“Prone to wonder
Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I Love
Take my heart, God
Take and seal it
Seal it for thy courts above”
-Come Thou Fount Every Blessing-
Becoming aware of something that the Lord wants you to work on can sometimes be hard to acknowledge and grow from. The feelings of dread and pride can come alongside to pull you away from revealing all that God has in store for you.
Sitting on a bus for many hours as you cross through countries can put a lot of time on you hands. During these moments the Lord can reveal a whole lot to you if you can just be still in His presence. When I was crossing the border into Montenegro a question popped into my head that surprised and scared me…
“Is God Enough?”
If you lived without promises of a home, a family, friends, future spouse, future kids, etc…
Would God be enough in my life to satisfy me?
My immediate response was, “well of course…”
However, the longer that question ran through my mind the more I started to realize my underlining desires in life. All of a sudden I became aware of those questions that have plagued my mind in a way that made me solely focused on the “what if’s”…
“What if I never dated anybody?”
“What if I don’t work at the place of my choice?”
“What if I never own a home of my own?”
“What if I don’t get married?”
“What if I don’t have kids?”
In my mind I was putting my potential future on a pedestal that was above the Lord. My deepest desires to one day marry, have kids, etc. was overpowering my thoughts that kept the Lord’s plans at bay.
I could feel myself wandering, which left behind my trust for what the Lord has in store for my life. I was acting as if all my desires were more important and more pleasurable than having the Lord in my life. So, instead of doing what my mind was telling me to do, which was to ignore and push aside that heavy question, I chose to fight through it in order to enable God to take my heart and seal it.
I declare freedom from the bondage of control and I give it to the Lord. For I know His plans for me are far greater than what I could ever make up in my mind.
“ Seek the Kingdom of God Above all else, and He will give you everything you need. So don’t be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom.”
Luke 12:31-32
Seeking what the world has in store for me will never satisfy my soul. Only my Father’s love and His promise of His Kingdom can satisfy my soul. It’s not an easy journey, for I am human with sinful and selfish actions that like to think I know better. However, this time around is different, for I am aware of what plaques me so that I may cry out to the Lord with my struggles and He will be able to bring me peace.
I realized that I devalue the cross when I don’t live my life having God be enough.
“ If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will loose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.”
Matthew 10:38-39
I have to take up my cross daily, so I may have that continual reminder of what Jesus did for me. He knows what is best for me, as well as, knows my desires. He wants to bring me joy, comfort, and peace. I know who holds tomorrow and that is what matters.
