In general I don’t like to be wrong. I mean really, who does. I like to know all the answers or have all the solutions. Our fear of being wrong or failing has kept us from really achieving our dreams. I was put on the spot yesterday for my vision here at G42 of opening an awareness and advocacy cafe. That’s the most condensed title I can give the base of what I want to do at the moment. We had a guest instructor with us known for making students cry. He’s not a bully, but if he can break you and get you to not want to carry out your vision, then it’s probably not what you should be doing. If he wasn’t the one to break you, someone else along the way would.
So he has me on the spot firing one question after the next: Questions of costs, buildings, how will I finance this? Who will I hire? How could it be sustainable? What’s the end goal? What are the benefits? Where is the exact location going to be? Why do I want to do it? and on and on. Before I could answer one he was already asking another- or demanding the next, and I could feel myself getting flustered, but it was for different reasons than shattering my vision. I was flustered at myself for not knowing these answers. I’ve done a fair amount of research for what I want to do, but not enough. It was actually quite a humbling experience. If this was a real business meeting I would have been fed to the wolves, lost the grant, and not been able to concisely articulate what it is I am trying to accomplish. There are a lot of things, ” I don’t know” right now.
The “dream crusher” as some may call him is none other than George Ridley of Light Force International and I respect him. His methods may be unconventional, but he is faith in action. He is a man who started from nothing, and has shown again and again his ability to research and make a profit using local means to pour back into the locals of an area spiritually. He does it with some faithful supporters who believe in his mission, but he doesn’t have to ask for handouts. He prays and talks to God like it is dependent on him, but equally acts and DOES as if it were dependent on himself. He’s more than qualified and has enough stories to prove to me that I can trust his promptings, his demands, and his sifting. He’s not asking anything he hasn’t been asked before, failed at before, or successfully done himself. George Ridley is a man of action. “You have a burden for this,” he would say,”AND..what are you going to DO about it.” I think he and James are pretty kindred spirits. I hope to be the same. I have been reading James this week and instead of crumbling I’ve felt comforted that the unknowns in my life and the challenges that WILL come are not uncommon.
James inspired by the Spirit writes that “WHEN tests and challenges come from all sides{* Not IF, but WHEN} these trials will MATURE you so that you are not deficient in anyway.”
Another translation(NLT) says: ” When your faith is tested your ENDURANCE has a chance to grow and when your endurance is fully developed you will be PERFECT and complete needing nothing.”
What I got from that: Don’t run away. Don’t let “not knowing” make you desert your dream or drop your faith. Instead push through, endure knowing that what you are enduring is going to mature you and make you stronger, more proficient, more articulate, more skilled, more equipped for whatever is coming next.
I think the next verses were specifically inspired for me. “If you don’t know what you are doing.” Wait- what’s that say? “If you don’t know what you are doing, pray to the Father and ask for help. You will get it.”
Another translation: “If you need WISDOM ask our generous God and he will give it to you. {That’s a promise} God blesses those who endure testing PATIENTLY.{That’s another promise to hold onto} After they will receive the crown of life God has promised those who love him. {or they will receive more and more Life.. be filled}
So my prayer for us is that we will keep dreaming, but that it won’t stop there. Lord may our dreams not be too close to the shore. Stir us when we are playing things too safe and remaining in places of control. Kick us in the pants when we aren’t working as if it depends on us as well- Grab us and remind us that you are looking for a people who will PARTNER with you to bring the Kingdom. Humble us to come to you with the “I don’t knows” and acknowledge that you do, and trust you for the answers. Thank you that you did not create us to be men and women who run away from a challenge, but patiently endure to gain endurance and become more like you- lacking in nothing. Keep a discontent in us, a restlessness that keeps us going, that keeps us breaking new ground that we have no idea about- that keeps alive a pioneer spirit- that pushes us to pray for dreams that are far bigger than our capabilities.
Still figuring out as well,
Rachael Grace
