No pictures, just words.
If you’ve been here you won’t need to close your eyes to picture that moment. If these words stir something in you I hope you recognize that disatisfaction or hurt is to show you that you deserve more than a “good guy.” Maybe the guy truly wasn’t sure what he wanted, maybe it wasn’t the right time, but no matter the situation you didn’t deserve it, because you are worth so much more. Don’t settle for any less.
“But, he’s such a good guy..”
She was sobbing.
All I wanted to do was ring his neck.
I hung up the phone trying to tone down my emotions,
but today
they’re not listening.
She was sobbing and I was helpless on this end
her friend
yet I had no words.
She told me, “but he’s such a good guy”
and the vomit rose up my throat wanting to retaliate and say:
Really? Is he?
Girl can you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth?
Are you not dehydrated from drinking drop after drop after drop of salty tears running down your face?
This guy she explained, clearly was not to blame.
“He’s great, he’s so nice, and he’s such a good guy….
he just doesn’t know what he wants.”
Well then why the hell are you asking me out?
Why the hell are you touching me?
Why the hell are you wasting my time?
Why the hell are you going on about how beautiful I look tonight?
“Baby, you’re beautiful, stunning, amazing. Need I go on?” he whispers
and he backs away leaving me with warm breath on my cheek.
“No, no…”
I reply, caught in a daze, his gaze.
Wait, yes.
Yes, please go on.
Yes now!
Go on and show me how beautiful you think I am.
Show me How when I walk in a room I take your breathe away.
Not with empty words, but motions
that have far more to say
to my heart.
Don’t get me wrong,
I want I love you, I love you, I love you, but I need, “I’ll be there..”
and you’re not.
Now here I am sitting covered in snot.
Shaking head slammed on the steering wheel.
Screaming, “Why am I such a fool?
Why did I do this again?
The song is on repeat, “and you say I’m just a friend, yea you say I’m just a friend..”
Just a friend!?
That’s what you just asked of me?
Now wait, wait, wait, wait.. hold on, rewind..
What about all of those times,
that you stared at me from across the room?
That like a middle school boy you slowly held my hand,
first our pinkies interlaced, then two more, until our sweaty palms were embraced,
but I liked it,
except for the blanket of course.
That I thought was to keep warm,
But now that I’m thinking on it-
was it to cover me up?
Hide me while you
“Figure things” out
In YOUR uncertainty and doubt.
And the back and forth hang outs of overwhelming everyday
mixed with the with drawls of never seeing your face.
You said it was because you were busy.
You had work and other obligations
and I accepted that,
because I had already told myself
that “he’s such a good guy..”
And now all I want to do is ring his neck.
And I don’t want to tone down my emotions
I don’t want to convince them one more time
that this one
“This one is such a good guy.”
