It’s month 8. I have been away from my family, close friends, my church, my city, my bed.. for 7 and a half months now. We passed the halfway mark transitioning from Latin America to Thailand and got a little boost from a day layover in Los Angeles.
Something we’ve heard from many of our contacts talk about is the difference between squads depending on what month they are in. In nicaragua they told us the team before us was on their 10th month and they were just ready to be home. They didn’t interact with a lot of the village they were in, or participate in the services as much or even play with the children! What!! Isn’t that what we came here for? To serve, and to Love every place we are.
Then month 5 came around in El Salvador and I started understanding what the contacts were seeing. Our team was having difficulty coming together. Our ministry was scattered. And I started feeling the same way I’m sure the other racers were feeling.. what am I doing here. I’m ready to go home. I started checking out. First I checked out some from the team, and tried to just focus on ministry, but when plans fell through all the time with ministry I tried to focus, and just spend time with the Lord, spend time making my own ministry, meeting the neighbors, prayer walking and talking to people on the streets. In the moments where I would say, “God, i don’t what I’m doing here. I’m weak right now and I need your help.” I saw God intervene and move in big ways. Like our night meeting Ricardo, and then there was meeting Carlo, and Joanni as well. When I looked to him when I was feeling weak instead of focusing on what was going on or not going on around me I got to be a part of where the spirit was moving.
I’m starting to get that about the race. It’s about breaking me down. It’s a long time away from my comfortable surroundings. It’s a long time spent with complete strangers, trying to figure out how the heck to get along. It’s a long time craving my favorite foods (hummus) and eating meals of rice again and again. It’s a long time of taking bucket showers.. although I’d be lying if I said I hated them, because I don’t. It is a long time without being able to take a bath in my big claw foot tub. It’s a long time not being able to wander a city alone. It’s a long time having most of my days planned for me. It’s a long time wearing the same clothes day after day. It’s a long time not sitting in a church service I always understand. It’s a long time without a toilet I can sit on. It’s a long time to live with all my belongings in a backpack. It is a long time to be around people all the time.
It’s a long time to be doing a lot of things, but most of all it’s a long time to find the Lord.
It’s along time to be transformed and have the Lord build my identity without people holding me to my past. It’s a long time to step into the gifts and talents that have always been inside me. It’s along time to learn patience. It’s a long time to learn how to be on time. It’s a long time to master cooking with only a few available items. It’s a long time to get to know all the strangers I started this race with. It’s a long time to become best friends. It’s a long time to grow my hair out, or play around with cutting it short. It’s a long time to learn another language. It’s a long time to fall in love with children, again and again and again. It’s a long time to not pay bills. It’s a long time to explore new countries. It’s a long time to pray. It’s a long time to realize what is truly important in my life. It’s a long time to realize how much I love my family, even in moments when they are driving me crazy. I miss those moments. It’s a long time to weed out my weaknesses and let the Lord burn them our of my life. It’s a long time to reflect on the God that I serve. It’s a long time to dream of the plans he has for me. It’s along time to learn that being uncomfortable is usually the best place to be. it is a long time to learn that I have a voice, and the Lord desires me to use it. It is a long time to listen to podcasts. It’s a long time to ask questions. It’s a long time to stand under starry skies in awe of the Lord. It’s a long time to cry in cornfields. It’s a long time to be on my knees not knowing what to do next. It’s a long time to lean not on my own understanding, but depend completely on the Lord.
I listened to a sermon* today about what it means to worship the Lord. One of the verses that stuck out to me this month is:
(2 Chronicles 20:12) ” O our God, won’t you stop them? We are powerless against this mighty army that is about to attack us. We don’t know what to do, but we are looking for you to help.
These guys were in a jam. Big time. Their immediate response was fasting, and prayer, and admitting they could do nothing without the Lord. They were powerless, but they were trusting the Lord to help them. They were trusting the Lord for direction. And that’s exactly what he gave them. He assured them he was with them. They had nothing to fear. And they bowed down to the ground and worshipped God. They bowed down and worshipped him before anything had happened. They bowed down and worshipped him trusting him to come through. he was their only option, their only strength. Their first response to a problem: Worship.
What is my first response. I am in month 8 on the World Race, and the Lord has taught me more than I can recount to you in one blog post. I hope I can recount all he has taught me and shown me of himself in my life. I want my life to worship him. I want my life to be a reflection of him. I know I’ll mess up. Trust me I already have plenty this year alone, and the closer I draw to the Lord the more magnified my inadequacy is. But the length of time the race is is truly divine. It has put me at a cross roads to either walk in what the Lord has taught me. To rise up when I’ve grown weary and fallen down, or to give in and waste this precious journey. I don’t want to waste a minute.
I want all that he has for me this year. This year is not about all we can do here and then not take it home, or the reverse all we can learn from the Lord, and wait to walk it out until we get home. No! This year is about transforming as we go. It’s about walking out what the Lord is teaching us, as he teaches it. Continually moving forward; straining toward the prize. I don’t want my patience to plateau, but to grow deeper each month. I don’t want my endurance to subside, but to continually grow longer. I don’t want my faith that he can do big things to diminish, but increase until it is unshakable. I don’t want to tire of house visits, but be excited at how the spirit is going to move each time. Every visit is another opportunity to share the joy and hope he has given me. Every visit is a chance to see someone’s life transformed. I never want to tire of the children wanting to play, or tire of showing them affection. The love I show them today may be the only they have ever received or will only receive in a while. I don’t want to tire of responding to “How are you? I am fine Muzungu.” I don’t want to become irritated at the chants of “muzungu! muzungu!” but be reminded how privileged I am. How blessed I am to have grown up always provided for and with endless opportunity. I don’t want to tire of pressing into his spirit with my team- I may not always be surrounded by other believers who are hungry and passionate for the Lord. I don’t want to tire of being held accountable, because I want to strive for a blameless life. I want to know what it means to walk in holiness.
* Sermon: Solid Rock church in Portland Podcast. Balance part 1: Upward. by Phil Comer.
Part 2 coming soon…..
