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    These are my last few hours in El Salvador.. Today I woke up in a tent on the basketball court in our neighborhood. Our house is pretty crowded at the moment, so it was finally an excuse to sleep outdoors! I slept in until 11 am! WOW- that is a miracle, because I have been waking up at 6 am on the dot every morning for the last week.

Went to the mall with some of my mates, and saw Pirates of the Caribbean 4 for guess how much? 2.75!! Sweet.. and it was in english, only spanish subtitles.

Came home and went for a bike ride and swim, and now I am about to head back to the house for a good bye BBQ and one final visit downtown with Pan Y Chocolate. I am going one more time with the hopes of giving Carlo a letter to encourage him. PLease be praying for him. I will write a blog just about him soon, but he has just been on my heart a lot, and I know he is so close to choosing the Lord, to choosing to get out of the streets. I believe he can do it, I believe he has an amazing future, and that God is going to pick him up and give him strength, so please pray for my friend.

I will probably get home at about 10 pm, and then still need to pack my bag.. No surprise there. I am such a procrastinator sometimes. We all head over to the bus station at 4:45 am, and leave for guatemala at 6 am on the dot. I will be in Guatemala at 1 pm!

Pray for our debrief. Our squad has had some unexpected changes in the last week or so, and we are in need of a lot of prayer. MOnth five has been a rocky one, emotionally and spiritually, and we are all hungry for change, hungry for more. We gave up our lives at home to come away into something different, something unique that we have never experienced, and I am still searching for it. I want more of the father’s heart. I desire a community of believers that people look at and know we are Christian’s by how we love each other. I want my heart to not just break for the people on the streets, but the people I am with everyday as well. It seems to be so much easier to love a stranger than someone you see everyday, because teammates, and family take making a choice to be selfless, making a choice to prefer others above yourself, and really caring about the betterment of a brother or sister.

I have had moments in the last several months where I asked Why am I here? I have had moments where I looked around me and thought would anyone know we love the Lord, because how we are talking and acting right now towards each other sucks. I have had moments where I needed to bite my tongue. Moments where I have wanted to scream. Moments where I have gone in a field and screamed. I have cried a lot. I have felt honored to be a leader, and loathed it the same. I have been misunderstood time and time again. I have had moments where I wanted to jump back on a plane to Portland as soon as we get to LA. But throughout all of this the Lord has reminded me that I am in fact not alone. He is always here.

He has blesses me with sisters that I will have for life. He has allowed me to love on his people. He has shown me that my worth comes from him alone. He has shown me that when I am frustrated with others I am judging them and need to look at myself first. He has shown me more than I have ever known just how dark a world we live in, that things from our past can cripple us so much we can’t see blessings when they are all around us. He has shown me that my actions and my attitude, my heart are my own and no one can make me respond in anyway; It is my choice alone. He is teaching me to let go of what others think of me totally. He has shown me that he is in control, and him alone. He has shown me that life is short, and how I live today is setting the path for the rest of my life. He is showing me that sometimes I need to be the spark, for others to draw closer to him. Sometimes no one else is going to challenge me, and I need to know how to come close to him and dig deeper in his word. He has shown me that even as believers we still have a choice like everyone else to overcome things of this world. We are attacked all the time, and we can choose to believe that God can come in and take away any aggravation, any sadness, any anger, any sickness, or that he will just show up some of the time. He has shown me how much we blame other people for our own faults or problems. He has shown me I can be defensive, but I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. He has shown me that his abounding love is available for all if we will choose it, and until we accept his love it is impossible to love other people. He has shown me we can pray for his eyes to see others all day long, but until we reach out and take those eyes close ours and open them again new with his we will never see others. 

He has shown me that so often we want the easy route, we want him to give us everything, to show us everything in advance, and to fix everything with the snap of his fingers, but he wants us to move, he wants us to struggle, and in that struggle become stronger through his help. On average month 5,6,7 are the hardest for world racers, but for me it has been 3,4, and 5. I won’t be going home in LA, nor let those thoughts attack me, because I know he has so much for me in these next 6 months. I already feel his love more than I ever have experienced it before. I have more courage in him than ever, more faith, and more trust that he is for me, and constantly fighting for me. I have spent more moments than I would like focusing inward, or even just within our team instead of on God, my father, my creator, my friend. He is the reason I came on this journey. He is the one I want to know. He is the one who I want to allow to transform me. 
SO I declare now that the next 6 months will be some of the best of my life. That I won’t look back on them and remember frustration with other people, or my surroundings. I won’t look back and say that ministry was wasted, or what did we even do there? No, I will look back and remember what new part of His heart that God allowed me to know. I will look back and remember the lives that were transformed through my obedience to Him. I will look back and remember how I was transformed, what month he took my pride, what month he taught me forgiveness, and moments of encountering his spirit like I never have before. I will look back and remember how I cried out to him in Asia, and Africa, and Malaysia. I will look back and remember how he wooed me and allowed me to bask in all of his creation. I will look back and be thankful for how he gifted me, and challenged me. I will look back and SMILE, because these  months were the time when he solidified my foundation that I am his daughter, his special treasure, that I am fierce, and abounding in his love, able to heal the sick, bring the blind sight, and the hopeless hope.
 Every moment of my life counts. Every moment of your life counts. This year is when the Lord is teaching me to choose him, so that for the rest of my life I can walk in all the he has for me. I will look back and remember when he gave me his heart for the nations, for every person, everywhere. I will look back on this year and praise him for teaching me he is a Relentless lover, and I can never escape him.