If you were to ask me what I’ve been up to my answer would stand the same, time and time again: fundraising. This full-time job has swallowed my past few months of life. And through each moment, I’ve been looking for what it is that puts the fun in fundraising…so far there’s no sign of it. It has been one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever had to do. Being put in a position where I’m convinced that my prayers, my ability to work hard, and my boldness in making my needs public will determine how rapidly I supply my own needs, as they remain remarkably daunting. Writing letters, emails, blogs, keeping up with lists, and trying to convince people to sit still long enough to hear my story has sucked every inch of energy out of me. I surely enjoy being able to share my stories about India and the vision for what is to come, but this process can easily pose as a business. Therefore, I’ve terminated my ability to exist in trust because proactivity has become responsibility. Ownership over my fundraising and responsibility over my to-do list is afflicting, as if checking every box will leave me fully funded and at peace. I’ve always been taught the importance of being responsible, so that one day I would fully develop the ability to take care of myself and independently provide financial security. And as I move into a newness of life where I am required to have all my ducks in a row—lest I suffer the consequences—I am dumbfounded by something uncomfortably true.
DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WHAT YOU WILL EAT OR WHAT YOU WILL DRINK, NOR ABOUT YOUR BODY, WHAT YOU WILL PUT ON… THEREFORE, DO NOT BE ANXIOUS, SAYING, “WHAT SHALL WE EAT?” OR “WHAT SHALL WE DRINK?” OR “WHAT SHALL WE WEAR?”…
THEREFORE DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT TOMORROW, FOR TOMORROW WILL BE ANXIOUS FOR ITSELF.
I can do nothing to provide for myself. I am 100% unable to care for myself simply because it is not my function.
Nowhere in scripture does Jesus promote working for anything at all, nor does he encourage individuals to provide for themselves, this responsibility is distinctly and uniquely the role of God and we would be dangerously misfigured to take any matter of provision into our own hands.
AND MY GOD WILL SUPPLY EVERY NEED OF YOURS ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES IN GLORY IN CHRIST JESUS.
It is not my appointment to take care of myself, to provide for myself, or to convince people to support me. It is not my job to work towards bringing myself security, or even to make myself humble or wise or any other good thing. It is deadly to fool ourselves into thinking that we can work for anything or that any good thing we have has not been given only. All care-giving and provision has been ascribed to the Lord alone, to think otherwise would be dangerously awry.
Responsibility is a plague; it’s a slap in the face to a God who possesses all control and supremacy.
Our calling is found in abandoning ownership of our circumstantial needs and taking initiative to cultivate change in our spiritual neediness. Laziness is surely not the remedy and tactfulness is not to be yielded. Instead, come underneath the power in God’s faithfulness, that He may proclaim Himself by taking care of His children just as He promises.
The plague of responsibility eats away at every scrap of trust and stands in obvious opposition to what is right and true. Beware of ownership over your circumstantial needs, for you will always fail to satisfy any one of them.
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD; I SHALL NOT WANT.
