Four days ago I wrote a blog about getting encouragement from Gideon’s story. If you haven’t read that blog, read it by clicking here, so that you can understand why my current situation is sort of a funny one.
Another interesting thing happened in the last couple of days. I began to see some support come into my missions account. It showed me that other people are beginning to invest and so I prayed. I’m not one who does things based on a “feeling” I get from God. I’m a born skeptic and question my every thought and emotion to a fault. So when I prayed I said “God, I really do feel like you’ve called me to the World Race. I really do feel peace about it and it feels like where You want me to be. But, I want it to be more than a feeling. People are beginning to invest. Please, Lord, confirm that this is what you have for me. Confirm it in a way that I can’t deny that I didn’t make it up in my head because it’s what I wanted to hear.”
And then yesterday I went to church. The message came from one of my favorite people and, during the message, we read out of Philippians:
We were then asked to define for ourselves what we are straining toward, and what God has called us on currently that has us pressing towards the goal. Then I heard my name called from the pulpit…an experience that always sends your body into shock as if you were just chosen in the reaping the Hunger Games.
Oh no. No. Did he just say my name?He then went on to use me as an example and specifically named my trip as what God has called me on currently to be “straining forward to what lies ahead” and “[pressing] on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” In front of everybody, he said it. And then a little knot in my stomach that I didn’t even know was there completely loosened and, for the first time, I was 100% confident that I am supposed to give 11 months of my life doing Good for God around the world. I even had a nice man from church come up to me after the service and asked me to let him know where he can support and contribute to the mission- just another touch of affirmation.
Now here comes the funny part. Once I knew I was supposed to go, I thought of Gideon and the previous blog post again. And I thought to myself….”Hmm..I wonder if my army will get reduced somehow.”
Well, today, I was laid off pretty unexpectedly. I had an entire savings plan that would get me close to the total I needed to be fully funded to serve God for a year. I have been scrimping and saving for the past 10 months (since I got that job) and, through personal sacrifices and financial strategy, had made a pretty clear way to getting to the goal. And now I don’t. My army of 10,000 men has been reduced to a mere 300 soldiers. The impossible just got impossible-er.
“So if I sell a kidney on the black market, I can get how much?”
I am still confident that this is what God has for me next year. As much of a bummer as it is to lose your job, I have peace about my direction. My grandfather once told me that once you’re sure of something in God, that’s when the devil will come up to you and ask “Did God really say…?” It’s a trick that’s been around as long as there have been people.
But, as for me, I know that God has said “Go”. So I will Go. I don’t know how, but I’m not sure Gideon knew either. I’m staring out at the impossible without a map. When the victory of funding is won, there will be no room for me to say “look what I did”, only room for me to look in awe and say “Thank you, Lord, for what You did.”
Thank you so much to those who have supported me already! If you feel lead to contribute to my trip, click the “Support Me” tab at the top right of the screen. If you are unable to support financially, please support in prayer. Prayer for peace, courage and clarity in my next steps before the Race. I will be looking for work for the next seven months and finding creative ways to make ends meet while still saving towards the trip (Top Ramen galore!), so prayer for jobs and ways to earn income would be much appreciated!
Thanks again!
