It’s only been a week of official ministry and I am already wrestling with some ideas….starting with the idea of ministry itself. This month our team is settled in Gjakova, Kosovo (have fun trying to pronounce that), which is a beautifully peaceful place recovering from recent war (more on that in the next blog). Our duties this month include: teaching English to the pastor of the church we are staying at and his family, praying for an hour and a half out loud every morning for the people of Gjakova (of which my ADD allows about 4 minutes before wanting to explode), organizing the church charity shop, and community outreach- which basically equates to making friends in the community (of which only .06% are Christian) on behalf of the church. Being someone who was always chided for talking too much in class, connecting with people is just something that will happen- whether the other person likes it or not. Friends are my favorite.
Also being someone who has traveled a bit and helped some people out around the world in exchange for lodging and food, it’s strange for all of these things to be categorized as “ministry”. For some reason, I was most put off by the idea of community outreach being our “job”. Maybe it’s the Californian in me, but I’m all about things being organic…and stepping out and talking to people because it’s “ministry” makes me feel like a walking Walmart. I never want to see people as a project- it feels like there is too much of an arrogance in that. Yes, hello, I took a year out of life and left everything I love to go around the world to proclaim in words and in action of the love, freedom, and joy that has come with knowing the Lord. Yes, I want everyone to experience that as well, but I don’t want to just be a Jesus-Panther looking for what could be easy prey and pouncing on them so that I can have a meal. I never want people to lose their humanity or their “themness” when I meet them. Once you see a person and immediately see an objective, it seems that any true and authentic relationship goes out the window. Instead of a friend, you become a salesman with a sales pitch (no matter how great of a Product you’ve got to pedal) and the person becomes less of a person and more of a means for self-gratification and a measure of a successful sales quarter.
So here is the quandary that every missionary (especially short-term) probably finds themselves in- it’s the Missionary Position: how do you fulfill the Great Commission without becoming like a representative of a Mary Kay- selling a product that will make everyone look like you do, telling them it will make them beautiful, making a transaction, then walking away to celebrate your success with the other representatives and cheering when you realize you are only 5 more transactions away from earning a company party. Where is the balance between going forward with gusto the work you feel you were called to do, and being an overconfident proclaimer of how it should be done- stepping out because of duty and quantifying your successes.
In my vast experience with the title of missionary (an entire week now!), I’ve come to two solutions for the “Mary Kay for Jesus” problem: Love and Understanding.
Understanding comes with observing and truly opening your heart and mind to a culture without harsh judgment. As someone from an affluent Western country, I am often left scratching my head at the way things are done in other cultures- from showering habits to the way kids on the street are shooed away as a nuisance instead of cared for by the community. But I have not walked in the history of the culture, I have not lived under the same economic circumstances or cultural truths, and I have close to zero context for anything going on in the country. An understanding that Jesus is not an American is also important. As much as some of us would like to believe, He did not pledge allegiance to any flag and His ways don’t necessarily mean the ways of the red,white and blue (although a few more Starbucks here and there would be nice). We don’t need to understand the “why” of things to have an understanding that all people are equal in the eyes of God and the Love of Christ transcends cultural differences…no matter how frustrating the lack of road rules may be.
So who gets the right-of-way when a headless horse is involved?
The Love solution may seem obvious, but it also may be the more difficult. As human beings, selflessly loving people without any personal gain is very hard (or maybe that’s just me). It is easier to give food and candy to the kid on the street who will smile and say thank you so that you can feel like you got your missionary points for the day. It is harder to have the candy ripped from your hands without a semblance of gratitude and then spit out at your feet. Love is also risky- when you truly love someone, it is as if your heart becomes connected to theirs. Their struggles become yours; their triumphs and trials become your triumphs and trials. So how do you willingly align your heart with people that are hurting? I’ve honestly only been able to align a hug and a high-five so far (but, hey, it’s only been a week), but I think I’m going to have to ask The Lord to borrow a few of His aortas when I step into the true love part.
Without Love and Understanding, it seems as if “ministry” basically just equates to “my-nice-try” (see what I did there?). And that’s not what it’s about. There is need all over the world, need for practical help and need for a Love that can set people Free. My team and I set out on this journey to do both. Because we are foreigners from a well-publicized land in a place that not many visit, people often turn heads and ask questions when we are out and about. The potential for influence (for better or for worse) is naturally higher than it would be at home. I hope to be a good one. I hope to walk in Love and Understanding as we make friends throughout the community.
Please pray for us! This position is not the easiest or most comfortable and comes with a lot of responsibility. Pray that we Love and Understand well in the work that we do here. Pray that we walk in humility in the things we are not able to understand and for a boldness in stepping out and explaining why we are here when we are asked.
Thank you so much for all of the love and support- your emails, messages, comments, and all attempts to connect mean the world to me. I am missing everyone already, but know that what is being done (and going to be done) this year is important. I’ll catch everyone up on the goings on of Kosovo (which , you guys, is an incredible place) in the next blog!
Love and miss you all,
