Written 2/9 on the 777 from LA to London:
As one of the most prolific philosopher’s of our time once remarked:
3 weeks ago I was sitting discouraged on my bed as I searched for jobs in Orange County. The stresses were piling up with family and finances and I felt as if I was wasting opportunity. As I type this out today, I am in transit to London to take a temporary job for three weeks, poised for adventure and purpose.
I guess you never really know what’s just around the corner. Sometimes it’s Big Ben.
These last few weeks have also taught me a lot about surrender. Surrender is one of the hardest things to do. I’m not a competitive person (unless we are playing Clue, in which case I will yell “in your face” to a six year old when disproving the candlestick as a murder weapon- true story) and I tend to acquiesce to the unimportant decisions of the majority, but surrender is still something that feels foreign and unnatural.
Surrender is saying “Okay, you win- I submit. What next?” As someone who doesn’t care about winning (again, unless I am shouting from the rooftops that it was Professor Plum in the study with the revolver) you would think it would come easy.
Surrender is also scary because it can mean committing yourself to the unknown. A few months ago, when I still had a salaried job where I wore a blazer every day and had to say very big and serious words to clients, I remember saying to God, “Okay, Lord. I know you’ve called me to go out into the world and show your love by doing good things for your people, so I just want you to know that I surrender my finances and everything else over to you. I trust you.”
I felt really good about that prayer. It took the pressure off me. And I was being such a good missionary by trusting and surrendering to God.
Well very shortly after I got that gold star in my Jesus belt, I found myself without a salary, without an occupational purpose and without a well-thought-out plan for funding the World Race…not what I thought was supposed to happen when you surrender everything to the Lord.
Shortly after, I realized that when I hoisted the white flag of surrender, I had drawn my plans and suggestions all over it with a sharpie.
And God doesn’t really need my suggestions.
No matter how great they may be.
As difficult as it has been, I have learned so much about God’s faithfulness in the past couple of months. My plans included me gritting my teeth and clawing my way through the long hours of a negative work environment while saving all my surplus money for the Race (after rent, bills…etc..) and spending my surplus time trying to cope with it all.
His plan included knocking me on my butt a few times to show me that A) I’m strong enough to get up again and B) He will take care of the needs of those He’s called. One incredible and (hopefully) encouraging example of this was the topic of another blog post- check it out here if you feel like it: http://rachaelcurtis.theworldrace.org/?filename=crashing-into-grace-a-story-of-provision
His plan also included 3 weeks in London. Tea and crumpets, guys. Anyone who knows me (or sees all the BBC shows I watch in my Netflix queue) knows how incredibly cool of a deal this is for me. Okay, God. I surrender.
Surrender is a trust issue. Do you really believe that God will take care of you? Do you really believe (like really, really believe) that He knows what is best for you? To be honest, I sometimes don’t. I have to daily (sometimes minute-ly) toss up new surrender flags to the Lord. And sometimes they’re even fully white and without my input! But, then, I guess it is kind of hard to be marking up flags when you’ve got your hands full of tea and crumpets.
Cheers to you and your journey(s) of surrender. I know it’s hard, but know that your version of tea and crumpets could be just around the corner.
