F ear
O f
Missing
O ut
What does that even mean? Why would the Lord use this type of terminology with me? These are all questions I asked the Lord when he brought this commonly used acronym to my mind one night.
I knew what it stood for and how much it is used amongst my generation, but why was the Lord bringing it to my mind. I love where I am, I love what I am doing and I really love the people I am surrounded by.
But Quinn you are not content…
Um what? I feel like I am very happy with where I am and what I am doing, but once I heard this, I had to look deeper than the surface. I do love where I am and what I’m doing, but there is always a part of me that wishes I was home. Celebrating things with my family, living amongst people back home and really getting back into a ‘normal’ routine.
I look at Facebook or Instagram and see so many things that are going on where I am not. I see my two nieces changing every single day and getting bigger. I am missing out on celebrations, birthdays and every day life. I miss every day moments, that might not necessarily mean a whole ton, but moments that make me smile. Its the little moments and it makes me sad to miss these all the time.
Sometimes I wish I was somewhere else, making money and establishing myself somewhere. But when I wish these things upon myself, I am missing out on things that are happening around me. My mind gets led into a victims mentality, only seeing how things are affecting me. I have really found out how selfish I am and how often I think about myself! When I get stuck in this mentality, my flesh wins and missing out wins. Missing out wins a lot, and dwelling on all of these things doesn’t benefit me or the people around me, so this is why the Lord brought it to my mind.
So I have a lot of fear.
Fear of missing out on things. Fear of what I could be doing if I chose to stay home. Fear of failure and disappointment. Fear of the unknown. Fear of making the wrong choices. Fear of what people think of me. Fear of having to leave my friends and family behind.
This fear has held me back for a long time. It has caused me to be anxious and make decisions based on what other people think I should do. It has caused me to set some unrealistic expectations of myself. It has caused me to find so much of my identity in the world. It has caused me to lose sight of what really matters. It has caused me to make decisions based on others opinions. It has caused me to limit myself and the dreams that I have because the fear of man and the fear of missing out on what ‘could’ have been.
All of these things I thought I had dealt with. I thought I had laid them at the foot of the cross long ago. It is not that I haven’t dealt with them. They have come up before, but I am coming back around the circle and it is time to deal with them at a deeper level. The Lord knows where I am and He knows I can deal with it.
I need to let go of all of these fears. I have let go of so much physically to be where I am. Now it is time to give up things emotionally. I need to walk through what I have handed to the Lord and not let that fear catch my emotions. I need to do what is best for me and go after what the Lord has put on my heart. Even to be where I am now, squad leading. It was a hard decision. I had to let go of myself and listen to what the Lord was telling me to do! I know that if I give him something He is going to give me something better in return. I have to let go of the fear and grab hold of his love!
So….
Am I ready to give up everything for God? Am I able to hold my dreams lightly? Am I able to be obedient to the desires of the Lord? Why is this so hard?
I can’t base my decisions on the things of this world. I can’t make choices because that is what is going to make other people proud. I can’t choose to do something because I want to live close to my family and friends. I can’t say I will do these things as long as it leads me back to Canada because that is limiting what the Lord can do with me. As much as I desire to be close to home, I can’t put stipulations on Gods plans for my life. I can’t make decisions and invite Him into them, I have to invite Him in and then we can make decisions together. I need to stop allowing Jesus to follow me where I go, but I need to follow Him into the unknown. I need to fear missing out on a life with Him, more than I fear the world.
So, am I ready to give up everything for God? I would like to say I am, but when it really comes down to it, would I do it? I would do it reluctantly. I know that what he has for me is better, but in order to let go of everything and let go of all of these fears, I need to be fully rooted in who I am in Him. I need to let go of what the world thinks of me and grow in my authority that I have in Him. I need to learn how to care for myself. I need to learn how to put up proper boundaries and stay rooted in who the Lord says I am. I can’t give in to the fear of man and all the other fears. I have a lot of work to do, but I have learned so much over the past year and He still continues to blow me out of the water with what He continues to walk me through.
