Normal is:
- packing up and moving every 10 days-3 weeks
- long bus rides
- living in community
- stopping to pray always
- not knowing what the next day holds
- living in a new country every month
- cold showers
- being a church without walls
- hot and sweaty days
- sleeping on the floor
- wearing the same 5 outfits over and over
- washing underwear in the shower
- eating rice every day of the week
- mystery meat
- bible studies
- bucket showers
- worship nights
- deep relationships
- intentional conversations
- weak wifi
- no data or phones
- together alone time
- team time
- preaching
- one-on-ones
- feedback
- dirty feet
- check-ins (checking in with the physical, emotional and spiritual health of your team mates at least once a week)
- adventuring
- seeking the Lord first
- being flexible
- hurry up and wait
- laughing and crying
- living out of a backpack
- hand washing
- Holy Spirit Encounters
- surrendering
- wet bathroom floors
- squatty potties
…and so much more!
As I look back on the past 18 months of my life I can see so much change and growth in myself. I have learned to live such a simple life. I have learned the importance of living in community. I have grown to love the way it challenges me. I have grown to love the race life even though it is incredibly hard, it was all worth it.
I look at the list above and so many memories flash through my head of specific stories and circumstances. I remember celebrating when we would arrive at a new place and finding out we had a western toilet and a shower head. It didn’t have hot water, but yet it was still something to celebrate. This was my normal, celebrating the little things. It is something I never want to forget.
As I enter back into the western world, I never want to forget how blessed I am to have been born here. I also don’t want to fall back into the line of western society. I don’t want to fall into the social norms. I don’t want to be ‘normal’ in a sense.
I want to continue challenging myself, pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I want to learn to be uncomfortable in the comfortable. The past 18 months of my life were in no way normal. I stood out, I struggled, I cried, I lived in temporary homes, I laughed and I grew closer to God every single day. He was my constant and I don’t ever want that to change.
But….
I have now been home for almost 3 weeks and it hasn’t been easy. I am having to find a new routine and figure out what life looks like back here at home. I don’t know how to do that. How do I mesh my two worlds together. I am not the same Quinn that left here 18 months ago, so I simply cannot fit back into the place in the puzzle I once fit. I have been molded and shaped into a new person, with a different perspective with new dreams and visions.
I don’t have everything figured out yet. I am still living with my parents and depending on them financially. I don’t have a degree or a career lined up. I don’t know what my future holds. I have no clue what is next or how long I will be staying. There are so many unknowns in my life right now and I am okay with that because I do know one thing. I know that I am in the Lords hands. He does have a plan for my life. As long as I continue to seek after Him, He will reveal that to me in His timing.
And..
I understand that is not normal. It is not normal to be 25, financially unstable, unemployed and have no plans for my future. 18 months ago I would be freaking out. I would be worried about what people are saying behind my back and at times I still struggle with this. It is something I constantly have to surrender to the Lord because the old me struggled heavily with fear of man. Over the past 18 months I have grown more confident in who I am and who I was created to be. I have learned that I am not a typical 25 year old. I don’t desire to make a ton of money and work the rest of my life away. I was created for so much more. I don’t fit the mold and I am okay with that!
So…
I am home and I am struggling, but I do know one thing. I don’t want to be normal. I want to create my own path and start chasing after the desires the Lord has placed on my heart. He has now called me home. This is where he wants me and I need to figure out how I can fit back in without trying to fit the mold and falling back into old habits.
I don’t ever want to stop celebrating the small things or forget the faces that have impacted my life so greatly. I want to bring what I have learned overseas and implement it into my every day life. Living this way at home is not easy, but I am ready to take on the challenge and learn through it all.
That list above is no longer my normal, but I do want to take some of those things and implement it into my everyday life. I don’t know what that looks like or what my new normal is, but I am excited to see where this next season takes me.
“Who wants to fit in, when we were created to stand out?”
