Wake up at 6:30.
Do personal time.
Head to morning devotions with kids at 7:30.
Finish devotions at 8, finish personal time
Head to Breakfast at 9:30.
Then Begin morning at 10.
Eat Lunch at 1:30
Plan for evening program
Have Team time
Start evening program at 4:30
Evening refreshments at 6:30
Help kids study or hang out till 8:30
Dinner at 8:30
Debrief after dinner
Process the day
Bedtime at 10
Repeat
And somehow figure out how to shower, wash clothes, journal, blog….in the midst of it all
This is how an average day looks for my team this month. Our days are completely filled up and it sometimes feels like we don’t have time to breathe and just be by ourselveS.
I haven’t explained our ministry yet, but for the past month we have been living at Jireh Children’s Home in Bangalore and we have been extremely blessed by our hosts. We have been able to build relationships with the children that are living here and hear some of their stories. It is incredible to see where these children were to where they are now. Some leaving their families at only 9 years old, not returning until after they graduate from school at the age of 18. That is a long time to be away from your family. Some of the situations these children left, affect their decision for returning home when after graduating..This shows just how amazing this home is.
We have been able to meet with the kids every morning and night. We do their morning devotionals sending them off to school with lots of prayer and an encouraging passage from the bible and end the day with some ‘singsporation’ and another amazing bible story, with lots of games in between. There have been many laughs and memories made that will last me a lifetime, but sometimes ministry is not always fun, and it is hard to stay motivated during these rough patches.
There are days that I don’t want to get out of bed, or go to lunch. I don’t want another bowl of onion rice, I can’t even count how many spoonfuls I have had. I don’t want to have team time, I mean we are literally with each other 24/7, haven’t we already had intentional time together. It is 8:30 at night and it has been a really long day, let’s just skip dinner and head to bed, I don’t need any more carbs anyways. All of these thoughts fill my mind everyday and as the month comes to a close, it is getting easier to complain and wish away the last days here.
To be honest, I am just tired. I am tired of not being comfortable, always having to be prepared, the phone could ring at any moment saying we are leaving to go pray, preach, teach, sing…not for an hour, but at least a minimum of 3. I am tired of Indian time and nothing going according to the schedule. I try to plan my me time around that schedule, but as it changes and rarely goes according to plan, my ‘alone’ time rarely happens. The fact is community living is hard. I don’t just live with my teammates, but we eat, breathe, work and sleep together, every waking hour is spent together and my ‘alone time’ is usually putting in earphones and sitting on my sleeping pad in silence. We are never alone, and most times this has been great, I love my teammates and they all have taught me a little something this past month, but I like to have time to myself to process and just unwind my day.
Then I realize that this will be my life for the next 10 months and I can’t believe I was excited for this year and then I realize that the fire burning inside my heart is quickly fading due to earthly pleasures. The enemy is attacking me and I have fallen right into his trap. He doesn’t want me here bringing kingdom in this country that he has a large influence in, but the truth is that he is losing the battle here in Bangalore. There is a large Christian population and he doesn’t like that I am a part of this growing population, he will do anything to interfere.
This past Sunday we got a great reminder of how great our God is. We visited a wonderful church that has three services every Sunday, with at least 500 people showing up at each service, praising and lifting their hearts to the Lord. In a country where persecution is real, God is so present and he is doing amazing things in these people, that they will risk their lives and families for the freedom found in him and here I am still struggling with exhaustion and just wanting to give up and leave this beautiful country. I have to remind myself to push through this storm, that it is worth it and that the last few days that I have left with these children, with this ministry, are just as important as the first few days. I have to remember that I am free and that this storm is the enemy trying to distract me. These people deserve me at my best, they have served me so well, that I have to serve them by giving my whole heart to the ministry while I am here,
I have learned that in this trial and this storm I am walking through, I have to trust that God is going to give me the strength to get through. I have to bring to light what I am struggling with so that my teammates can get me through, that is the joy of community living, but just because I know the truth it doesn’t make this storm any easier. As I type this it is 12:06 AM and I have to get up for devotions in the morning. I can barely hold my eyes open, but I don’t know when else I will be able to write another blog, so as I sacrifice some resting time, I am getting my alone time. I have realized that exhaustion, might just be my reality for the next 10 months, but with God’s help and my teammates to lean on, I will be able to fight through it. He has gotten me through my first month and I know he will get me through the next 10 with some amazing moments in between. I have to keep looking for the joy in each day, as that is what is going to get me through. The war is never ending, but I have to keep pressing into the Lord to help me defeat the enemy.
Don’t Try Harder Draw Nearer
Love,
Quinn
