With only 33 days left until training camp, and 114 days left until I launch life is getting hectic and the World Race is becoming so much more real. I remember when I would read blogs, after blogs and dream about one day joining this amazing adventure, that dream is now becoming a reality, but while I would love to focus only on getting ready for the race, I can’t.
I am currently a full time student, working part time and still trying to prepare for this trip. I get up at 5:30 AM everyday to get to class at 8 AM and then my school day ends at 5 PM, but Mondays I go to work between my classes, and some days I go to work after classes. I do not return home until 6/6:30 PM as I commute about an hour to school. On top of school, I am trying to plan different fundraising events and taking some online courses. You could say my life is just a little hectic, and I am so overwhelmed, stressed and sometimes I just feel like giving up.
I feel like I am not meant for this. Why am I putting myself through this, when all it does is stress me out? Was God really calling me to the January routes, or did I just want to go? How am I going to raise all this money, it seems impossible? These questions and so many more fill my mind on the daily, my mind is one big jumbled mess and putting it onto paper, for people to understand is hard, so if this is confusing, welcome to my mind and how it is working at the moment.
In all this doubt, I prayed all summer long that no midterms would fall during the 10 days of training camp, as training camp falls right in the middle of midterm season. I was also praying that labs could be made up if missed. I prayed and told God, that if he really wanted me on this trip, he would show me by having those 10 days clear of assignments and tests. Course outlines were released, labs were said to be compulsory and two midterms fell right in the middle of those 10 days of training camp. I felt like this trip was getting further out of my reach the closer launch came. I was doubting my decision, but I didn’t want to give up, I reached out for prayer. I talked with my profs, and not a single teacher questioned me about moving midterms or labs. I was amazed God really did want me on this trip!
I then realized how close my first financial deadline was coming and doubt filled my mind again, how am I so far behind on my fundraising? When am I going to have the time to have an event in the next three weeks to meet this deadline, on top of keeping up with school work? I was going crazy!
Alarm clock screaming bare feet hit the floor
It’s off to the races everybody out the door
I’m feeling like I’m falling behind, it’s a crazy life
Then one day on my way to school this song came on, one that I always sing-a-long to, but never really listen to the lyrics, but that morning was different, I was stressed and in deep thought. I carefully listened to the lyrics and the song spoke to me. It described my life perfectly, God works in amazing ways, and that morning he was speaking to me.
When people say they hear from God, I never really understood it. Sometimes I feel like I am hearing from him, but then I second guess myself, was that really him, or was that just my mind working in crazy ways. That is how I felt about making the decision to go on the trip. I felt like it was where God was leading me, but I wasn’t 100% sure. My doubt became even stronger, as so many of my squad mates funds started coming in so much faster then mine. They were expressing amazing stories in their blogs about how God is working and how they know this is where God wants them, as he has confirmed it in many ways. Well being human, I was comparing my situation to there’s and my flesh overcame me, I doubted that this was where I was supposed to be.
I tested God! I prayed that if he really wanted me on this race and if January was really the month that he wanted me to launch in then he needed to do the impossible. Our first financial deadline was in arms reach and I was still short $500. I prayed for weeks, that if this is really where God wants me that he would send an anonymous supporter, or an unexpected supporter that would help me reach my deadline. I would say God, if this is what you want me to do, will you please provide the rest of my money by the end of this week, nothing came. My doubt grew, I then just prayed God if I am supposed to go on this trip, will you please just provide the rest of this money. Then the next morning I turned the radio on and…
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
From that moment on, I knew God was telling me to relax and to fully trust that he had everything under control. I needed to lay all my problems at his feet and he was going to take care of it for me, so the next day I decided to share a World Race post of an alumni’s experience, but at the end of my explanation I felt as if I should mention that I was still short and needed money in order to continue on this journey. Asking for support is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I STRONGLY dislike posting on Facebook about it. I just trusted that the Lord had things under control. Like many of my other posts, I wasn’t expecting many responses, but not even an hour later, I had been sent a personal message. It stated, “Hey Quinn, I have some Cash for your trip, is it possible to drop it off?” Five minutes later it was dropped off in an envelope, I said thank you, had a 5 minute catch up conversation again said my thank you, even though the word is never enough. I then went up into my room sat and counted the money, I counted $500, I didn’t believe it, I counted it again and realized on the envelope it had stated that $500 was in the envelope.
I felt like crying, I could not believe it. God had been speaking to me this whole time, but I was blind to it. God answered my prayer and got an unexpected supporter to donate exactly what I needed. Blown away by his love and his provision for my life. He had it all planned out. All he wants us to do is trust Him, depend on him and know that he has everything planned out.
Throughout the past seven months, God has taught me so much and I am so excited to see what else he has in store for me. My story is just beginning, and my faith is becoming so much stronger. I don’t have to be perfect, but I just have to have faith and lay all my problems at his feet. While this crazy life of mine still causes me to stress and become overwhelmed, I need to give myself time to breathe, trust and rest at his feet, for he knows the plans for my life. I can’t worry about tomorrow or what is to come in the future, but I just need to worry about today. I have to live in the moment and remember God has everything under control.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Matthew 6:34
