“True freedom is found in surrender.”
The one sentence constantly running through my mind during the last 3 months.
As my squad and I are headed into Christmas Break, wrapping up our first 3 months of Training Camp, we were asked to write a blog recapping the semester:what we learned, what we experienced, how we saw God move, etc. That sentence was the first thing that came to mind.
Going into the race, I didn’t realize the walls I had built up in my heart towards God out of fear. Fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of true surrender, of giving that 100% “yes.” As I started to recognize these walls and this distant feeling I felt, I realized I had a hesitancy and strong desire to surrender all, but something was holding me back. I felt trapped in my mind, knowing that I so deeply wanted to want to surrender, but still something was off.
Until one night at worship.
There I was, sitting in my corner of the room, balling my eyes out, begging God to reveal these walls, to tear them down, to free me of whatever was holding me back from giving Him my all. I journaled and prayed, desperately trying to figure out what was going on in my mind, what was holding me back.
Suddenly, He revealed my fears: fear of disappointing Him, fear of giving my “yes” and messing up, as if that somehow would take back my “yes.”
“I meet you where you’re at,” He said. “You’re free, so why are you still walking chained?”
Then, BOOM! A wave washed over me. I was completely and totally overwhelmed by the amount of warmth and love from the Father. It was something I had never felt before. I felt this peace, settle in my heart, the fuzzy warmth of His love still buzzing through my body. That’s what freedom felt like.
True freedom is found in surrender. Love casts out all fear.
It was suddenly so clear to me how much the Father loves me. His love is so vast, so incomprehensible, there is no way I could even fathom the amount of love He has for me. I found freedom in the Father’s incomprehensible love that night. Something I had been searching for the entire semester and even before the Race. I could give my “yes,” completely and totally surrender my all to Him, with all my walls torn down. What a beautiful and freeing feeling.
Freedom: knowing that no matter how much you try to understand, the Father’s love for you is incomprehensible. Knowing that no matter how much you mess up, you could never ever disappoint Him because He still loves you so much, even though that makes ZERO SENSE! Knowing that once you say yes, once you choose to surrender yourself completely to the Father, there’s nothing you could do that would change His incomprehensible love.
Love you bunches!
Quincy
