8 months ago I found out about the World Race. I spent 5 months pushing the voice away that said, "Go on it." 2 months ago I finally decided to apply. 1 month ago I got accepted onto the Race.
The past couple of weeks I have been talking to my squad and have been reading so many blogs on the site. It is amazing to see so many different walks of life and how God uses all unique walks of life, gifts, talents, personalities, cultures, strengths, weaknesses, passions, successes, failures, and people to use for His cause. I am in awe again that God uses whoever and whenever to work through so His name is made famous through all the earth.
I am also amazed how many different and special ways God ministers to each of us. How He speaks, provides for, loves, cares, and uses is different for each person…for us individually and for the testimony we may show in action and word to others.
I will be honest and say that I can know this in my head, but may forget this in my heart. But God again speaks to me in His special way for me to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything is found in Him and through Him.
I will give the most recent example…..
I am 4 1/2 months away from my launch and funds is a common topic. Everyone on my squad is working hard on funds for the trip: the trip cost, supplies, immunizations, training camp, and everything that goes along with it.
I keep hearing stories from others how God is miraculously providing for them. Whether through random donations or people willing to support them, God is truly providing in amazing ways and I know is intimately speaking to each of their hearts that He is Provider. I am so happy for each person. But there is also a doubt that rises quietly in my heart. I begin to wonder, "Why hasn't God provided for me like that?" The doubt doesn't begin loud, but with a quiet question.
But then the question begins to grow from there.
I was driving from work the other day thinking how I wish God would put on someone's heart to give me tons of money ( a million dollars would do nicely) so I can go on the trip…just like what I feel He is doing in so many others. I wanted Hims to do for me what He is doing for others.
But then I felt God remind me of what He has done in my life. He has NEVER let me down. He has NEVER failed or not come through. He is ALWAYS good, faithful, and true. If He hasn't failed me in the past, why am I doubting now?
God provides and speaks to me in ways that is unique. He makes a way in my life in a way that I know it only comes from Him. He is providing for my trip by giving me an amazing job at a church. He also is providing by also opening up a new job cleaning a home a few hours a week. He is providing for me ( and 'providing' is not limited by just talking about money) with an amazing supportive family and a few close friends. He does in ways that I will look back and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything comes only from Him and through Him, so He can get all the glory and praise.
Comparing makes me forget what God has done, is doing, and promises what to do in my life. Comparing won for a few days, but I don't want it to rob me anymore. I almost missed God's goodness while I was boxing Him into what I wanted His hand on my life to look like.
He speaks and uses people in a way so special to each person. How cool is that? God doesn't speak and use all the same way because we all aren't made the same way.
He is making a way. It may not look like what we want or what we expect, but I pray that doesn't rob us to truly see Him at work. I am thankful for His provision- whether that looks like a donation or hours of work or creative ideas for funding, God is the one who provides. I pray that my eyes and heart are open and only gazed on Him.
