Finding My Own Flame

I don’t want to ride on somebody else’s passion
I don’t want to find that I’m just dry bones
I want to burn with unquenchable fire
Deep down inside see it coming alive

Help me find my own flame
Help me find my own fire
I want the real thing
I want Your burning desire

Do what only You can do
In my heart tonight,

There’s no better time
There’s no better time
There’s no better time
There’s no better time

 

            This song
has been on my heart so strong for the past few days. I have reached a point in
my life where God has shown me my own flame, He has given me my own passion,
and I am happy with who I am in Christ. Before I started the race I had never
been away from home for longer than a month. I have always been surrounded by
friends, family, and my church community. This whole experience of the race has
taught me that before the race I was living off of someone else’s flame. That
doesn’t mean it was a bad thing, it means I was living off of who people said I
was.

Being away from home for a long period of time has taught me a
lot about who I am. I have been away from people’s opinions of me, I have been
away from people’s expectations of me, and I have heard the silence of people’s
voices in my mind. This has allowed me to focus on Christ’ voice in my life and
have a lot of heart to hearts with Him. God has opened up my eyes to see me for
who I really am. Early on in the race there was a lot about myself that I didn’t
like. The Lord has helped me to work through a lot of my junk and to get past
the pity party of me and my problems. I still have issues, but I have learned
the enemy will always fight for me and I have to constantly fight back.

Now that I have worked through a lot of my baggage the Lord
has shown me a Philip who I really love. He is full of passion, his heart burns
for God, and he has no limitations on his life. My eyes have been opened to a
new world. I used to be insecure with myself. I had so many limitations in my
life for fear of failure. I used to let people control who I was, how I acted,
I even let them make my decisions for me. Seriously if I wanted to but a shirt
I would think in my head what would ______ think about this shirt and I would
always talk myself out of buying it or vice versa. I am finally at a place in
my life where I am content with who I am. I can finally go shopping and make my
own decisions…ha

This blog is not to written to say that people’s opinions don’t
matter, that is not what I am trying to say at all. This blog was written to
tell you that I listened to people’s voices so much that I stopped listening to
Gods voice in my life and who He said I was. People would have never known I
was going through anything; I had a really good mask that I would take with me
everywhere I went. I always wanted what someone else had. I would look at
someone who knew who they were in Christ and what they were passionate about,
and I would long to have that same fire in my heart. But I went about it the
wrong way, instead of searching inside of my own heart for the passions and
abilities that God had already given me I focused on other people’s gifts and
talents. I used to be so lost.

But now I am found. I have my own passions, I am utilizing
the gifts that God has given me. I am riding on my own passion with a flame
burning inside of me in which God has placed. I now take peoples advice,
opinions, expectations and I place them before the Lord. I take what is good
and discard of the bad. The Lord has placed a shield over my heart that guards
me from taking in anything that is not of Him. I have placed my identity in the
hands of Christ and cried out “HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME, MOLD ME, SHAPE ME, DIRECT
MY PATH AND I WILL ALWAYS FOLLOW YOU” And God has responded saying “I will” in
his powerful yet gentle voice.

I will always listen to people’s voices in my life; I will
take what they say to heart. I will allow them to help me, guide me, shape me,
But I will never allow them to control me. I thank God for the people in my life,
I have two amazing parents who have taught me everything I know. My two
brothers will always be there for me when I need them the most. I have an
amazing pastor and his wife who have helped shape me into the Philip that I am
today. My church community has had a wonderful impact on my life, and now on
the race I have met some amazing men and women of God. The Lord has blessed me with an
amazing community of believers who are fighting with me to see that God has His
way with me.

I used to be dry bones but God has awakened the fire inside
of me and I am living off of my passion for Christ. If you are in the same boat
as me, just like the song above says…There is no better time! Now is the time
to start living off of the passions and the flame the God has given you. If you tap
into the identity that God has for you, you will never want to ride off of
anyone else’s passion. God has so much for you and His arms are wide open.

All you have to do is run in.

If you would like to listen to
the song I wrote about, I posted a video below that you can play. Enjoy!