I don’t want to call Asiana Airlines…..

 

 

“Thank you for calling Asiana Airlines, a proud member of Star Alliance, how may I help you today?”

“Hi. Yeah. I need to change my return flight home from June 10^th to April 1^st please……”

I have out played that conversation in my mind plenty of times the past few days. Ever since a meeting I had with Sharon, our ministry contact, discussing finances I have been sort of in doubt the past week. It took a leap of faith to come to Thailand without all the funds. You would think that I would’ve known not to worry about finances because the Lord provided SO much during the World Race, but yet again I am at the stage where I start to question my decision to come here.

Mark and Sharon have been gracious enough to allow me to stay even without having the funds. Support has been trickling in from time to time, but there is still a fairly large deficit left in my support account. During the meeting last week, I had been told that if I was not able to raise 50,000 baht ($1,500) by March 31^st then I would not be able to stay for the outreach phase of the Ministry Training School. I was dreading to hear those words and my prayer was that I didn’t have to have “the talk” in the first place, but the Lord thought different. I completely understand why “the talk” was needed because the Lord has given SHE many visions and projects that need to start moving forward. Aside from my MTS fees paying for lodging/food/tuition it also goes toward future projects such as the new SHE center in Koh Sirey. And so without proper funds those projects can’t be completed. Hence why there is a sense of urgency to fully fund my ministry training school fees.

“God, where are you? I need you to provide for me, please……”

The enemy has planted seeds of doubt in my mind and I can truly tell you that they are starting to sprout. I imagined that returning to Thailand would be a joyful and amazing experience. Don’t get me wrong, it truly has been! But it also comes with a lot of challenges that I never thought I’d face. Living in community with seven women for instance has proved challenging for me. But God sent me to LOVE on them and serve them with all my heart. And the Lord sent them to me to pour into me and provide examples of Godly women. There are few other small things that challenge me here as well, but I’ll spare you the details. But even with those things all adding up, it strikes doubt in my mind that I’m where God wants me to be. Things like “well if I was where God wanted me to be, shouldn’t I be happy all the time?” or “I would probably be better off just going home and serving God there.” With all that doubt built up it’s easy for the enemy to attack and feed off those things. Fear starts to settle in and the idea of failure succeeds triumph. And with those thoughts irrational behavior starts to set in. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve stared at the Asiana Airlines customer service line WANTING to call in and change my flight so that I can go home early.

…..but I have a choice.

I had a humbling experience today as the gals were praying over me for my finances to come in. They all gathered around me and laid hands. They spoke so much truth into me and affirming that this is where God wants me to be. And then, with my head down and eyes closed, I felt something moving my spirit. It was something that was just so beautiful that I can barely describe it. And as that feeling continued to flow through my spirit tears started forming and the tears ran down my face. WHAT!? I very very rarely cry when I’m being prayed over! And no joke as soon as that feeling left my body, Amanda spoke up and said this: ” I just got a scripture for you. Here it is:

Isaiah 52:12 (NLT)

The Lord isn’t going to chase you out of here in a hurry. You still have plenty of things to do here at SHE. Don’t settle with the idea of yeah, ok if I go home I can serve the Lord there too. Which you can, but the Lord has called you in Thailand for this season. ” She said a few other things and ended with saying, “that was totally from the Lord because I had no idea where that came from.”

And then Chelsea got a word for me stating that I don’t have to be complacent with the idea of going home. It’s MY choice if I want to stay here until June or go home early. I need to stand firm on that choice and have confidence that the Lord will provide.

As the gals went around and spoke even more truth INTO my life and shared more visions for me the waterworks just began to fall. I had just experienced an intimate encounter with God the Father. And as the Holy Spirit began to move in me before the Lord gave those words, I remember thinking to myself…..why am I starting to cry? Uh-oh…I think something big is about to happen….”

And sure enough I was hit square in the face with the power of the Holy Spirit. At that moment in time I became vulnerable. I let the gals see me in a way that not many see me in. I tend to try and hold things together when emotional situations happen just to provide a stronghold for others around me, but this time the power of God was just too strong for me not to cry out to the Lord.

After that was all said and done I went into my room and just let it all out. I was humbled by the intimate encounter with the Lord and I felt shameful for doubting that God was real because He didn’t provide my finances. But then I remembered that I am forgiven-that my shame and guilt has been covered by the blood of Jesus.

So my choice is YES. Yes I want to stay here and continue what God is teaching me. Yes I want to continue to face the challenges here so that I can become a stronger and better person when the MTS ends. And Yes I want to be here for the outreach phase of MTS. Without me here I don’t know how many bar girls would go without feeling the LOVE of Christ. Without me being here I would not be able to minister to them and deliver a message of hope and restoration that is found only by the one true God.

So I come before you today with a humbled heart. Asking you to pray about supporting me financially in order for me to continue to serve our Father here in Thailand where He is definitely needed. Your financial support also means you are taking part in the visions that the Lord has given SHE. I do not just want people to give money just to give money, but I want true supporters that really want to invest in my life and my growth spiritually with the Lord. I want people to know that lives are being touched by Christ’s love through me while I am serving the nations.

A Calling For My Prayer Warriors!!!!!

• ·         I need $1,500 in my account by March 31^st in order to be able to take part in the outreach/bar ministry phase. If not, I will have to make arrangements to fly home early.
• ·         After that deadline is met I have until the end of MTS to raise the reaming $500 (I need $2,000 total).
• ·         Pray for strength in my faith as God continues to grow my faith during this season.
• ·         Pray for my “living” finances. I have made adjustments and cut way back on my “fun” money in order to honor my financial obligations to SHE.

I have made my choice to stand firm on staying here to complete the MTS instead of wallowing on whether or not to go home early. I will not be sent home due to lack of funds. My God will not fail me now! God didn’t call me here to complete 3 months and say JUST KIDDING!!! Please consider supporting me in my decision to stay and continue God’s glorious will for my time here in Thailand. Please, I really don’t want to have to dial 800-227-4262.