“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” –Jeremiah 29:11
There’s a professor at my university that told me that everyone goes into some sort of slump at some point in life. These slumps happen after you finish doing some crazy, time consuming task. For instance, if you are in graduate school working on your thesis, many people will go into a sort of confused state once they finish because they do not know what to do with their time. Someone who has worked their whole life will find himself or herself in a rut when they retire because they have all this readily available time in the day that they never had before and they have no idea what to do with it. For me, my rut began this past week, Sunday to be exact.
I have been playing soccer since I was three years old. I played rec up until you could move onto club. I played club as well as middle school and high school soccer up until college and I played college soccer during my time at the university. My dilemma now is that our season has ceased to exist. My last collegiate game was on Sunday. And I no longer have soccer.
For those of you that may not be collegiate athletes, I’ll break it down. 18 years I dedicated to this sport. Of those 18 years, I had games almost every weekend all throughout secondary school, tournaments during almost every holiday, and multiple practices every week. If that doesn’t sound like enough, once you get to college it multiplies. I came to the university every year three weeks early to eat, sleep, and breathe soccer with my teammates. Once school started, we had two games a week and practice every day except for Monday’s; however, many a Tuesday we found ourselves out there in the morning and at night. Ever since I was three, not a day has gone by that I haven’t touched a soccer ball, watched a match, or at least thought about the sport.
18 years all dedicated to the same theme: soccer. And as of Sunday, it is all supposed to cease to exist. All the blood, sweat, and tears that were shed out on the field. All the slumber parties I missed because I had a tournament, all the days I went to class with grass in my hair because I just got out of practice, and all the moments I spent with my teammates on the bus, in the locker room, and on the field. Everything ended on Sunday and all I am left with are the memories.
I can’t begin to count how many times I uttered the words “I hate soccer.” I can’t even try to say how many times I thought I should quit. I can’t explain how many times I questioned why I put my mind, body, and soul through so much pain all for a silly little game. I can’t tell you how many times I wished for it to be over. But now that it is, it’s even harder to try to get you to understand how much I want it all back.
There’s a saying that says, “you never know what you have until it’s gone.” Soccer has been one of the biggest aspects of my life since I could barely walk straight and I never fully realized how true that was until now – until I didn’t have practice to go to or meetings anymore, until I didn’t have to plan my classes, or life for that matter, around it anymore.
So what am I trying to get at here, you ask? Where is the silver lining to this awfully depressing post? To be completely honest, I haven’t found it yet. This wound is still fresh and my heart is still hurting from this loss; however, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Hebrews 11:1 says, “Faith is the confidence in what we hope for and the assurance in what we do not see.”
All I’ve ever been able to see was soccer, so here is where my faith gets tested. I know it’s going to be rough and tough these next couple of weeks, but I also know that God will be right by my side through it all. Philippians 1:6 says, “Have patience, God isn’t finished yet.” He may have removed soccer from the mix, but he’s going to put something so much greater in its place and I cannot wait to share what it is.
So no, it may not be the fairytale ending I was expecting, but it was the perfect ending to a closed chapter of my life so that I could open and start a bigger and better one.
Until next time<3
