“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we are still sinners, Christ died for us.” –Romans 5:8
Never have I considered myself one to be weak and vulnerable in the face of others. I have always tried my hardest to suppress any and all emotions because I felt as though what I was going through was almost insignificant. I never wanted to burden my friends or family with my “problems” because they never seemed big enough.
I enjoy helping others. I live for the moments that someone unloads occurrences onto me so that I can guide them to the cross, pray as they find their way, and rejoice with them once the battle has been won. But for me, I have always just kept it to myself. Even when I pray-by myself, alone, where no one can hear my requests- I tend to stray away from asking for anything that would be just for me. I keep those prayers in the back of my mind, always have. They just never seemed worthy of being mentioned.
Have you ever done something really incredible, something that you felt you deserved a standing ovation, a Nobel Prize, or a large cash award for..then when you told people about it, their reaction was none of those things, not even close? Picture this: you’re walking along the side of the road and you see a young child at the top of a tree, stuck and in danger of falling. You have a deep-set phobia of heights and refuse to even look down when walking up the stairs at your house, but you are the only person there. You are the only one who can help this child. So you forget your phobia. You scale that tree, grab that kid, and carry him down without once worrying about your fear. You accomplish something you never thought you would be capable of and you feel on top of the world for doing so. Yet when you tell your friends and family, they are less than thrilled. The responses you receive tear apart your original joy you had from the achievement you made. You wonder if anything you do from then on will ever be good enough to them.
Keep that in your mind. Now imagine feeling that way about every little thing you do, say, think, or feel. Then would you share your prayer requests? Then would you ask for help? That’s my life, welcome to it. I’m not sure if it began because I didn’t want to seem weak to my brothers or what, but everything I go through in life, I hesitate to share. I shy away from telling. I back out of asking for the advice, of requesting the prayer, and of leaning on someone else’s shoulder. I do that because I fear rejection. I fear people will tell me my problems aren’t problems and to deal with them on my own. I fear that it isn’t just me that thinks they aren’t worthy of being mentioned.
But me feeling that way, me suppressing those feelings, that isn’t real faith. Today, the Lord broke me down. He finally got to me and made me realize that I cannot do life alone. I need to ask for help. I require prayers from other people. And I deserve to be heard. Because I am worthy of it.
On my own, I am nothing. No amount of good deeds I do will ever cover my sins. No good works will grant me a ticket into heaven. I cannot accomplish anything heavenly without him or his people. God doesn’t think my problems are insignificant. He created me and he created them because they ARE significant. They DO matter. No amount of bad deeds that I do or sins that I commit can prevent me from his saving grace. We are all blessed with the ability to have all of our transgressions forgiven, all of our sins washed white as snow. But only if we confess. For if we keep silent, if we keep it all bottled up and try to pretend like they aren’t there, we will stay tainted. If we do not ask for forgiveness, we will stay unforgiven. It can be as simple as we make it. God will grant it FREELY, GENEROUSLY, and ALL CONSUMING so long as we ask. Confess now and be forever forgiven. Stop suppressing and live the rest of your life saved.
God, I pray that I become stronger than my weakest link. I know that you have forgiven my sins. I pray that you teach me to forgive them as well. I know that you have forgiven me. I pray that you teach me to forgive myself.
“Cast all of your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” -1 Peter 5:7
Until next time<3
