When Giving Your All Isn’t Easy

When God calls us to give up our all, I didn’t realize it was going to be so hard.

 

The hard part for me wasn’t in the ‘giving up’. I quit my job, said goodbye to all my friends, dropped everything that I had in Malaysia and went on the World Race for a year. 

I went searching for what is God’s dream for me. What is my God-given passion? What is my role here on Earth? What part do I play? 

Slowly I narrowed it down to children and youth and seeing them come alive. 

But it’s one thing to know and another to actually doing it. 

Seth Barnes told us back in January during Searchlight to “not be so anxious about changing the world but take 2 more years of discipleship”. 

I was like “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! 2 MORE YEARS? I’M ALREADY 30!” I was ready to go! Finally, as reluctant as I was, I settled to his advice. 

 

I went seeking for places/people/ministries that I could learn from. I went on the Dream Tour – back to Chicago to my parents’ house – Ecuador with Global Children’s Movement – LA internship with GCM – and now back here again in Chicago. It’s been an up-and-down 6 months. 

• The Dream Tour wasn’t exactly what I expected.
• Ecuador and the LA internship weren’t exactly right.
• The Iris school that I had wanted to attend in June was full and now I’m not so sure if that’s for me. 
• I came back to Chicago wanting to reach out to the youth at my dad’s church but they didn’t reach back. 
• I can’t work because of my tourist status in US but I want to work. 
• I’m unsure of what to do next. 

God calls us to give our all, but it’s definitely not easy. When it seems like you’ve given your all and you think that now He’s going to show you ‘The Path’, He doesn’t exactly show you straight away what He wants you to do. It’s this waiting period that I think is so hard because you are torn on both sides – on one hand knowing that there is more and wanting God’s best, on the other hand waiting causes impatience and you start to think “Maybe I should just go back to a regular job.” People have expectations on you, or you think people have expectations on you.

I cannot tell you how many times this thought has crossed my mind. But I know that God didn’t pluck me out of a 9-5 job to go on the Race just for fun. He didn’t change me just for fun. He didn’t let me see His heart, gave me a heart for the nations, a passion for children and youths just for fun. 

There is a reason, even if I don’t see it now. 

Would you pray with me for me and my family to what’s next? And for God’s truth to sink deep deep into our hearts. Prayers accepted and appreciated. 🙂

– Take Heart. Hillsong United.