These past three weeks in Zdolboniv have been amazing. I struggled in the beginning to have peace with myself spiritually. I struggled with the language barrier. I struggled that I could only talk to my family and my boyfriend only twice. Struggles. Too many to have for one person. But in the end, I found it. I found how to worship my God in many more ways. From singing songs in English class, to singing Ukrainian worship songs, even though I don’t know the words they are singing. The enemy held me back for a while, but I broke through. I realized that it doesn’t matter how you worship God, because he accepts and loves any kind of worship you have for him.
Working at the Kids Camp (VBS) and then doing English class was a little overwhelming at times. At kids camp we had a hero every day, and Thursday was when I played Esther. After the kids guessed who I was, I went to my class, and taught about her story. I don’t want to brag, but I feel like I know Esther pretty well now. The more I read about her, the more I love her. She was such a beautiful woman, and had a heart of gold. She risked her life to save her people. It makes me wonder. Would I go to the king, and ask him to spare all of my peoples’ lives? My answer two months ago would be no. My answer now would be maybe. That is some scary stuff. For real. I would definitely pray about it, but still… nerve-racking. Esther was a ballsy woman. Even though she was scared, she still did it. She knew it had to be done.
I know, I am supposed to be writing about my life, but I feel like Esther has officially impacted my life, just because of her standing up to her king. I feel like this last month I stood up to the enemy just because he has put me down about worship, among other things, and I was tired of it. Standing up to the enemy was terrifying, but he backed down. The enemy knows my heart, and tried to persuade it, but it didn’t work.
So God has a big sense of humor. He is a funny guy. He knows that I ask for things. I ask for them all the time. Sometimes they are deep, and others they are pretty shallow. And sometimes things I shouldn’t ask for. Recently, he has been answering my prayers instantly. It is to the point where he does not even let me finish my sentences sometimes. I have never felt His presence so much, until this month. I never want this to go away. I want it to be even stronger. I just keep thinking, if it is only month two, and my relationship is already so strong, I cannot wait to see what it is like month nine or ten.
Here is a picture of me playing Esther, for those of you who would want to see. 🙂
