Last night I had a hard time sleeping, so I decided to watch Dear John.
It is about a man who is in the army, and him and his girlfriend write to each other every chance they have.
There is much more to the story, but as all romance movies end, they wind up in each others arms.
Halfway through the movie, I broke down.
And not because of the sad part, but because I started to relate myself to this John character.
Now no, I am not joining the army and going to serve in Germany.
But, I am joining a Christian organization and leaving my life behind to serve around the world.
We both did/are doing something that we love. He loves his country (as do I),
And I love my God.
He left all of his loved ones behind, as am I.
He struggled with the fact that he was changed, and people didn't understand, as I know I will in the months coming.
At the end of the movie, I broke down again.
Not because of how the movie ended, but because it finally dawned on me.
I am leaving my whole life behind me for eleven months.
I have had to raise $15,500 plus the cost of equiptment, shots, insurance, plane tickets, ect. which is probably around $19,000 total,
And I am still not fully funded.
It hit me during the movie, that all I have been doing since December 14, 2011,
was think about raising money towards this journey.
I have never thought about being fufilled in other ways.
I need to be spiritually fufilled for this trip, and right now, I am not.
I have been so focused on money, that I have not even had the time to sit back and see what God has been doing.
I have stressed out over this part so much, that it is taking over my life.
All my family does is talk about my journey I am about to embark on.
I love talking about it, because it is amazing, but I have not even been able to sit down and have a normal conversation with them without bringing it up.
I cry and pray so much, because I want myself to be 90% funded by the time I leave,
So I do not have to stress like this while I am oversees doing what He has told me to do.
Last night, my feeble faith is encouraged once again by how awesome my God is.
As I prayed during my second emotional breakdown of the night, I suddenly felt calm.
I know when the Lord calls you to do something, he will equip you to do it.
So, from now on, I will try not to stress over the financial aspect of this journey,
And more on the spiritual and emotional and physical part.
Because if I do not go into this spiritually fufilled, then I know that it will be easier for Satan to tear me down.
And to be honest, I do not want that to happen!
Dear John,
You ruined me.
Thank you.
