The end of me started with a prayer.
I prayed “God. I don’t want anything to stand between us. If I have a pride issue please humble me. If I don’t have a pride issue please reaffirm that in some way.”
It was a simple prayer that took seconds to pray but I was serious!
A week or so later.
Being faced with stuff that I hadn’t been tempted with in months; I’ve grown in my spirituality, I’ve got this.
Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail again.
My emotions start getting the best of me. Normally I’m calm, cool, and collected but over a span of two days I was quickly loosing that!
I get pushed to the point of seeing red….
I know what’s best is to walk away. Keep quiet because nothing I have to say is going to be positive. God has been teaching me this entire journey about the power of words.
So I walked back to the guys room.
and I look at Derek Dameron sitting across from me and I say…
“I can’t do it. I’m not cut out for this.”
So I walked off.
The next hour:
*aggravated rant w/ God*
P: Why am I still losing battles with temptation that I should be past?
G: The battle is already won.
P: Oh Great. Losing a won battle. Awesome.
…..
P: You say I have influence.
G: Yes, that’s a gift from me.
P: Well I’m probably going to sink the ship because I can’t handle it.
…..
P: why can’t I hear you clearly??
P: where are you???
P: Father….?? (Screaming)
P: I’m probably hearing your voice, I’m just so prideful that I think it’s my own voice in my head.
P: I want to hear from you….
It wasn’t until I felt completely alone, that God started to show me that He answers prayer.
God broke me that night. He showed me that in my flesh, I’m not enough.
He is starting to show me:
I don’t have to be!
