It’s NOT About You!
What??? Yep, that’s right. I said it’s not about you.
So often we get stuck in this mindset of what we need and what we want. But I’m going to tell you that’s the wrong mindset to have.
My prayer life used to consist of only praying when I went to bed at night. Usually I would start them by thanking God for what He had done for me (knowing that was something I was supposed to do) and then finish by asking Him to help heal, fix or change certain things. I’m not saying it’s bad to thank God or ask Him for things we need because I do still think those things are important but that’s not all prayer is about.
Prayer is so much more than just asking for things and hoping God will hear you. The truth is, when we’re focusing on ourselves we are so blinded to the things He is doing in our lives. We are so wrapped up in the things we need to fix and the things that we think we need to be happy or the healing we need to happen. The truth is that those things may be important but when we start focusing on them only, we lose sight of the only one who can answer them.
While we were in Vietnam, I had a very hard time. I was fasting from talking to my family, friends and everyone from back home. I felt like God was calling me to fast from them but I wasn’t exactly sure why. There was so much other stuff I was also going through. In a one on one conversation with my squad mentor, she told me I was still struggling with things that I thought I had let go of already. In one of our team times, I was asked if I had forgiven myself in any areas of my life. Then one night I got the feedback that I am negative towards myself a lot (not the first time I’ve gotten this feedback). On top of that I was struggling with feeling extremely homesick and not being able to talk to anyone from home. I was also trying to figure out what all God wanted to teach me in this time of fasting. The devil began to use all of this against me and I started to feel very lonely. Even knowing that my team truly cared about me and was there for me, I felt so alone. I was that person who felt alone even when I was surrounded by people. I was getting down on myself for not fitting in or for not being good enough for someone to choose. I don’t know if I’d say I was depressed but I was definitely on a downward spiral. I have struggled with depression before and the devil was trying to use that to tear me down and to get me to give up. The morning we were leaving our hostel in Vietnam, I was done. I told one of the girls on my team that morning and the rest of my team an hour before we left, that I was struggling. That morning, I didn’t want to be here anymore and I just wanted to go home.
Now let me explain that a little more. When we would have free time, I was trying to find somewhere quiet to have my time with the Lord. Let me tell ya, when you’re living in community in a hostel, there’s not always a good place to have quiet time. This definitely made it hard for me. In order for me to really feel like I can connect with the Lord, I have to have complete silence and no distractions. Otherwise, I’ll be trying to read my bible and… Squirrel! There goes my mind. It’s so easy for me to get distracted and then I don’t feel like I can connect with God. When I would find quiet time, I did my usual read my bible, do my daily devotion, listen to music, sometimes paint and pray. I sat there asking God over and over to help me fix this or show me how to fix that. I was getting frustrated when I didn’t hear from Him. I know He’s always with us but I felt like not even God was there with me. I needed Him so bad and nothing. I was getting nothing and I didn’t know what to do. I was struggling hard and I wasn’t sure what to do to get out of this hole.
After I told my team how I was struggling, I did feel a little better that I wasn’t trying to hold it in but the struggle was still there. I still wasn’t sure how to handle and fix all these areas in my life. Areas like the negativity. I always knew it was a problem but it was something I just didn’t know how to fix. Other areas I didn’t even realize I was struggling with at all. The fact is, I was really lost.
When we got to Cambodia we had this thing called the Awakening. There were four different squads that were going to be at this Awakening. When I first heard about it, I was excited. Just from hearing people talk about it I was thinking it sounded like a revival. One of my favorite things growing up was when there was a revival at church. It was something different and exciting- God was always moving in so many obvious ways on those nights.
The awakening started and phew there were so many people. Big crowds just make me retract and get nervous. However, I was pushed into situations that were out of my comfort zone over these couple of days. I would normally run the other way but instead, I did them. I was part of the intercession team- I had no idea what his meant at the beginning. During the time for intercession, we ended up doing stations and I was in charge of the Art station. Woo hoo I love art but talking in front of people and taking control- not so much. At the end of it, I was pretty happy with how it went. It may not have gone exactly as I planned but I felt so good because I did it! God empowered me to step out and do this thing that usually would have just made me very anxious.
Another way God pushed me out of my comfort zone was by sending me out to evangelize. Starting conversations with random people is just not normally my strongest area. But, despite the nerves, I chose to go. I only talked to one lady but I took the step to go even when it made me extremely uncomfortable.
The point of all of this is that we have to stop focusing on ourselves. One thing they said at the Awakening that really stuck out for me was, “We’re not going to tell you to figure out who you are on this trip. It’s about finding the Lord and seeking who He is and His character. Through that you will find who you are.” That one phrase helped me change my perspective on everything. My month in Vietnam, I was focusing on the things I needed and wanted. I may have been spending time with the Lord, but not in the way I should have been. I spent my time with Him asking for this and telling Him I needed this or that. But, I wasn’t listening to what He had to say. I was so focused on myself that I wasn’t asking Him about who He is or what’s on His heart. I was too worried about myself. Finally I realized, hey it’s not about me. Jesus is the one who died on the cross for my sins. So, why do I feel like He should listen to me and not the other way around? He wants a relationship with us, one that goes both ways. No one wants to be in a relationship that is only focused on the other person.
I want to challenge you to stop and soak in the presence of the Father. He wants more than just a fix it kind of relationship. He wants to have an intimate relationship with you and when you get to know Him you’ll understand more of how He works. Even though He’s been working in your life the whole time, you’ll be able to recognize it because you’ll know Him and how He works. So many times, we say these prayers without expectations of them actually coming true. So first, we have to learn to pray in faith and believe in our Father. We must know He will answer each prayer in His time. He has an amazing way about Him and it would be a shame to pass up an opportunity to get to know Him. He has become my go-to person, my best friend and the one I know will always be there for me.
Guys, God is so great. He is going to amaze you with the things He is going to do in your life. Shift your focus to the thing that matters most and that’s your relationship with the Father.
I love you guys and I’m excited to hear about the things God is doing in your life! I am growing in my relationship with the Lord and it’s so exciting. If you have unique ways of connecting with the Lord please let me know because I would love to hear them. I’m also always open to discovering new ways to connect with the Lord.
