The last time I blogged it was the end of month 4, I was in India, and I had just experienced one of the hardest months of my race. I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. India stretched me from the moment I landed in the country. It was an incredibly hard month but also one I will never forget because through those difficult moments God was molding and refining me.
It has been five months since India and in those five months I have experienced a whirlwind of an adventure. God has pruned and picked away at me bringing me to new highs as well as new lows but through it all I am made of different stuff then when I began. I am, today, the aftermath of a radical nine months of adventure.
So in order to bring you up to date with where I am and what I am currently doing I thought I would give a brief synopsis of the past five months of my life.
Nepal:
At the end of March I was raised up as a squad leader for P squad and in Nepal I spent the majority of the month training for this role. My alumni leaders along with Emily, Jess, Julian, and I stayed in Kathmandu for two weeks out of the month prepping for the four of us to lead the squad the remainder of the race. The other two weeks I spent visiting two teams and joining them in ministry. The first team I visited was Team B.A.M. who were located in a small village in the mountains. My ministry that week was very team focused and a time for me to shadow my alumni squad leader Kristen. The second week I spent with Team Lumos officially stepping into my role as a squad leader. The transition from team leader to squad leader was both exciting and frightening at the same time. However, I stepped into the role ready and confident for what God had in store for me.
In this month I learned a lot about what it meant to live in community and what it meant to fully rely on the Lord. As you all know, reliance on God is only done through trust and trusting is hard. Especially when God calls you to release your wants and desires to focus on Him and what He has for you. I battled for a bit but in the end surrendered knowing He had/has beautiful things lying just ahead.
Thailand:
Thailand was my month of 'manistry'. This month was a month of extreme highs and lows both personally and as a squad. It was the first time that all the guys from my squad were together and with that dynamic surfaced a lot of negativity. It was also the first month I squad led without my alumni leaders, which was challenging. During my weeks in Thailand, I started the process of understanding what it meant to live and respond out of love despite what I received in return.
My first week with the guys pushed me to a point of breaking. As my teammate Julian likes to say, “I jumped”, but refused to pull my parachute. To be honest the issues that engulfed me weren't even that big looking back, it was merely differences in personalities and guys choosing to be selfish. However, something so miniscule led to a total melt down in my personal life. I questioned why I was squad leading and more importantly why I was on the race. Then on top of all the difficulties in team dynamics one of my closest friends Andy Frasure decided to leave the race. It was a decision that was hard for me to accept one I knew was blessed by God. Needless to say at this point I felt hopeless and continued to question my purpose on the race.
During my questioning a switch happened in the way I perceived life and how I responded to external circumstances. If you know me at all you know that I am extremely analytical and stress over the simplest things. I have often been consumed by my thoughts, which has led to depression and anxiety. Nevertheless, during my breakdown God freed me. I am not saying that I was cured from all stress and anxiety in my life but I was freed from how I react. I was catapulted into rest. True rest that only comes from the Father.
Since Thailand I have faced stressful situations and I know I will be faced with more in the future but I am confident that my approach to life and its circumstances is forever changed.
Oh, and just for clarity as the month progressed manistry became a month full of unity, incredible ministry, and hysterical memories!
Months 7-10 coming to you in ten seconds via blog two!
