That title is as honest as I can get. Right now, I don't want to go. Right now, I don't really want much to do with God at all. I hate that I'm saying this, but it's true. My feelings towards God are so BLAH right now, and they have been pretty much ever since I signed up for the Race.
Something has happened. Maybe it's spiritual warfare. Maybe it's personal apathy. Maybe it's indwelling sin that I haven't confessed yet. But whatever has happened, I'm just not feeling up for it. And I'm feeling disconnected from God (even though I know He's here). I can't even manage to sit through an entire church service, that last week, I decided that maybe I shouldn't even try to go anymore. I have so little desire to read my Bible, I'm lucky if I read it once per week.
But for whatever reason, I still pray. Not long prayers, but consistent prayers, spread throughout the day. Some part of me still finds the urge to pray often (maybe the Holy Spirit is doing it for me). I am not growing, but I am clinging to the cross. As long as I am in this valley, I know I still have the cross. Even if I don't feel it right now.
At least I always have the cross… and when I leave for the World Race (WHEN I leave…), I will always have that.
