Patrick Murphy, Attorney at Law? That has a weird sound to it. Yes: I have a law degree. Yes: I will be taking the Texas Bar Exam at the end of July. No: I can't seriously envision myself being a lawyer. In fact, during my three years in law school, I seriously contemplated dropping out of law school on four separate occasions, for four different reasons. But still I stuck with it. And on May 18, 2013, I graduated from SMU Dedman School of Law.
Why did I stick with it? Because all of my life, I have been trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. I'm "supposed" to go to school, get a job, save money, get married, have 2.5 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cars, 4 televisions, and 2 weeks of vacation a year. I have been pursuing that path, because I have felt it was what I was supposed to do.
I've always known that I was a square peg. But until recently, I was unable to let myself believe that it was OK to try to fit myself into a square hole. Now, I question why it took so long for me to figure that out: I don't own a TV, I don't have a Facebook, I only have Internet at home because of work, I don't wear shoes unless I absolutely have to (I'm sitting in a coffee shop right now, barefoot). I've been characterized as a free spirit often. It's time to be set free.
Freedom is such an interesting idea. Christ set us free from the law and from the punishment for sin. America is the land of the free. But having those two freedoms doesn't mean that you are truly FREE. For me, internal and external expectations placed upon myself were my sources of slavery.
I see the World Race as accomplishing two things. First, I see the World Race as my stepping out into the freedom that I have been so afraid to exercise. Traveling the world, sharing the gospel, helping the helpless, living an ADVENTURE! That is freedom. Eleven months of doing that will give me so much more lasting joy that eleven months working for a law firm.
Second, I see the World Race as an appetizer to a life in missions. What my life as a missionary would look like, I have no idea. But I know that it's what I'm called to do. Whether its 6 months there, 6 months here; 9/3, 11/1, or even leaving here and never coming back, I'm open to whatever God has in store. As an appetizer to a life in missions, the World Race will provide me with two opportunities: 1) Figuring out if there is a COUNTRY that God breaks my heart for, and 2) Figuring out if there is a missionary CAUSE that I feel devoted to. If I were to guess, I bet I'll fight sex trafficking in Southeast Asia (and I can use my law degree doing that). But God may change my mind. God may make it perfectly clear on this trip what I am to do.
I end with something that I wrote on May 17 while visiting the Zoo, comparing myself to a caged animal:
What consumes your thoughts?
As you dwell in your monotony
Do you dream of open plains,
Or have hopes of freedom?
Or have you succumbed to your tormented fate?
God made you for more,
Have you forgotten?
Or did you never know?
I feel your pain:
Like you – I am caged
A spectacle
For the pleasure of others
Yet for my perpetual shame
But I will not remain a prisoner
They cannot confine me forever
Soon
Nay, very soon
I will break free
I will roam the African plains
And ascend the Himalayas!
I will soar above Asian skies,
And dwell with your ancestors
Ne'er will I grow weary
For freedom shall be my fuel!
Your cage, I will not forget.
A memento, ever seared into my mind.
I will remember your pain,
But no longer will I feel it myself!
