Juan Carlos
As we exited the church service, our pastor’s truck pulled up to greet us outside the doors. A man unknown to us stepped out of the driver’s door and opened the other doors for us. “Adelante,” he encouraged. It was not uncommon for the pastor to have someone else drive us home using his vehicle, so we climbed in thinking nothing extraordinary. As we began our drive home, my teammate encouraged me to ask the man his name.
“Qual es su nombre, amigo?” I asked.
He responded, “Juan Carlos.”
He went on to say that he had a question for us. He prefaced his question with the assertion that he had heard one of us was a counselor. Sitting in the center behind him, I confirmed that I was the counselor he had heard about. He then went on to explain that he has a son attending the school that is our main ministry for this month. His name is Juan Carlos also. “Juan Carlos Gomez,” I affirm. I immediately know who he is talking about. His son is on a list of children with discipline problems I have been provided by the principal. He further explains that his son does not care to do his homework or study while in class. This father describes a torn heart because he does not want to punish his child constantly, but also wants him to do better in school. He illustrates that it is not a lack of capability because the boy works hard on his grandfather’s farm and knows more about the farm than many of the men who help do the work. Young Juan Carlos loves his grandpa’s farm. So much so, that a story is told about taking away the time at his grandpa’s farm recently because of poor grades. Our driver expresses discomfort saying that he knows this hurt his son because his son cried that day. But he says that he knows that with the grace of God and with my help, his son can do better.
…..
Now there is a pause felt in the air. This man is waiting for a divine revelation that can turn his world around. He sits waiting to hear it from a man that has never had children. I silently long for the wisdom to give this man peace. Then I begin speaking. I explain to Juan Carlos that I had just worked with his son today in physical education for a few hours. He participated well in that class (admittedly, I left out that most kids participate in physical education). I complimented Juan Carlos on taking away the privilege of visiting his grandfather’s farm, especially since this seems to be something he cares about greatly. I encouraged Juan Carlos to remember that his child’s punishments should evoke discomfort, because if they do not he will not change his behavior. Although it is difficult to see that combination of anger and sadness in his child, it is exactly these emotions that will remind him to do better next time.
I continue to give the best advice I can muster about providing positive rewards, such as going to grandpa’s farm only when young Juan Carlos has had a full week without problems in school. My focus moves toward the Juan Carlos in front of me, driving my team and I home. I explain to him that children are going through many emotional changes as they grow up and that a natural part of this process is for them to rebel against authority. Juan Carlos nods his head. I illustrate that despite the changes his son will go through, a consistent discipline and reward system at home will take deeper root than the changing world around him. Juan Carlos’s eyes glance at me in the mirror. I reinforce that this lesson will be important for his son in life, as well as school because, if executed well, will teach him that hard work and diligence provides greater rewards than immediate personal satisfaction. Juan Carlos shakes his head once in agreement, then repeatedly as he exhales deeply.
I close the conversation by saying I am happy to see Juan Carlos taking such an interest in his son’s education because, despite his rebellion, his son will model his father’s behavior. I tell Juan Carlos that he is doing a great job and encourage him as a parent to have patience. Although some lessons will be learned slower than others, his patience will be a blessing to his child.
We are now pulling up to our gate and another teammate has jumped out of the truck to open it up. Juan Carlos turns around to me and says simply, “Gracias.” A few minutes later, he is saying his goodbyes to the whole team as is custom here in Latin America.
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I wish I could tell you that the next day, when I saw Juan Carlos Gomez he was the best behaved kid in class. I wish I could tell you that I am certain my words inspired understanding and peace in his father. I wish I could tell you that the course of a little boy’s life was changed because the course of his relationship with his father took a blessed turn.
But I can’t.
Sometimes we cannot see the horizon and although we don’t feel it, the world is constantly turning. I may not have tilted the axis of this man’s life, as he had hoped for. But I pray that my words were able to give him the encouragement he needed to continue on for one more rotation.
