So I’m kinda frustrated these days as I get ready for the race. I’m anxious. I’m restless. I’m impatient. I’m squirmy. I’m afire. I’m psyched to travel the world with my team, trusting God in everything I do. I’m ready for this life changing experience. Hold on a sec… NO!!! I’m completely clueless to what is ahead!!! I’ve let no one fully understand how freaked out I am about this adventure. Mainly because I don’t think I even know how I feel. I’m not rich nor do I think I’m spoiled, but my life has been a joke. I don’t know true suffering. I’ve never been starving. I’ve never been alone. I’ve never been with out help. My entire life, there has always been someone there who puts their life on pause and focuses on me, sometimes only me. I have awesome parents who put up with me day in and day out while still loving me. The bestest friends who are loyal and forgiving and are always there to talk to. An incredible church that provides numerous opportunities to serve. An unbelievable youth pastor who still deals with me and my mishaps and gives me spiritual advice any hour of the day. Decent health for the things I’ve done to myself ( no not drugs). I really can not complain about my situation or where I am right now in life. I am blessed…I am truly blessed. I guess it’s good that I know this now at a young age. Knowing to find the good in the bad. Being thankful for what I have. But that’s just it! I’ve always had some person(s) with me to help me along the way whether I ask or don’t ask. Most of the time, I’m too proud to ask and people know, but still fix my problems. I’m not saying that I’m a spoiled little brat that can’t take of himself. I know what its like to have to work to make a buck. I’m fully capable of having to look after myself. What I’m trying to say is that I have never been fully dependent on Him. I don’t think I have ever truly surrendered everything to God and put him first. Its always let me do this for me or my friend first, before I do this for you. I love you Lord, but I know you’ll understand if I move you lower on my list of “things to do”…….NO!!! That’s not how it works and we all know this or have done this sometime in our life. Man! We’ve have really fallen short of his glory. Well at least I have by a looooongshot. Only by the grace of God go I… “Hey baby Jesus or teenage Jesus or bearded Jesus or dear baby God” (don’t act like you don’t call our savior by one of those names when you pray), “how about you give me a piggyback ride to see the other side of this big beautiful world”. For me, I’ve always taken the easy way out. I need to experience what it is to fully rely on God. I know these moments will come, but it scares the poo outta me. How strong is my faith in Him going to be? Will I hear him speak to me or just be caught up in my own world again? I’m too comfortable here in Texas!!! I wish I could just get this journey started!! Test me Lord!!! But I know have a long way to go before I reach what I am capable of doing. If you’re still reading by this point, PLEASE stop and pray for me that I am obedient to God’s word and that I make the most of the time I have left on this planet to prepare myself to serve Him. Go ahead! I’ll wait…
(John 8:12 KJV) Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.
