I’ve been in a wrestling match for the last few months. It’s been me against God.
Guess who’s winning? Not me.
I’ve been impatient and temperamental with a sense of entitlement of what I think I deserve from God.
If you’ll rewind back a few months with me, you’ll remember I went through a bit of a spiritual crises in Malaysia. A sleepless night of self-doubt, self-criticism and exhaustion dogged me that night until God pulled me out of bed to read Jeremiah 31.
He had a lot to say that night. It’s funny how when we stop talking long enough to listen just how much He loves to speak to us and the words He has for us.
He’s always right by the way. He knows just what to say and gives the best advice.
Well, that night, amidst all my self-loathing He reminded me just how loved I am by Him, and that He has great plans and healing in store for me.
He heard my cry and He answered. Let me repeat that a different way.
He HEARS you. He CARES for you. He will ANSWER you.
Jeremiah 29: 11-13: “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”
Let that sink in for a minute.
It may not always be how you want or in the time you want but He is always there.
And Even If He doesn’t, He is still good.
I had to come to grips with this last month. I was frustrated as heck after waiting impatiently the last couple months for God to come through on His promise. And every time it didn’t happen, I railed at Him “Why God?! When God?!”
Then I had some very wise people speak into exactly what I was feeling and what God had been trying to get across to me all this time:
“Is He still good even if this doesn’t happen?”
“Do you still trust Him to take care of you and trust Him with your future, even if He doesn’t answer you the way you’re hoping for?”
“Patricia – Am I still a good Father? Will you still trust Me?”
During our last couple hours on our way to Lesotho, the Lord gave me a vision. I was standing at His feet holding an alabaster jar. I was crying out of frustration and threw the jar down at His feet so hard, it smashed into a million pieces.
When I asked the Lord what this vision meant, He told me, “This is what I want you to do with the burdens you’ve been carrying. I want you to throw them down at My feet so hard, that there is no possible way you can try to pick them all up and carry them again. Only I will be able to do that for you. Let me carry them for you.”
He wants to do that for you too. He doesn’t want you to be afraid to surrender your problems to Him, even if that means hurling them at Him.
Jesus started this work at the cross when He took our sins. Just imagine our Lord and Saviour, drenched with the world’s guilt on Him.
He did this for you and me then, and He still wants to do it today.
Are you willing to give everything to Him? Is He still good to YOU even if….?
My answer was and still is yes. I threw away my expectations and problems and left them at God’s feet.
What’s your answer?
