TRAINING SLASH BOOT CAMP
I have decided now that i was not prepared in my mind for training camp. I was sure i was ready, i had been emailing other team members, meeting up with people with experience, practising walking with my pack on, but i forgot the main reason for this training. I was being trained to be sent out as God’s missionary. This training time has lead me up and down the steepest hills of my life, literally and figuratively. We were sent on a walk of taking our problems to God and leaving them at the foot of the cross, to break the bridge they held over out lives and to find freedom. I was asked to think of things. As many as i wanted or a few, it was my choice. Things that were holding me back in life and in God. One thing came straight to my mind. FEAR!. This fear was absolutely holding me back from everything. I had fear of talking to people about God, i had fear of not being heard, of being left out, fear of failure, I just felt fear so overpowering me that internally it was crippling. We took the trail one by one, no talking, so we were all just stuck in our own minds, thinking about the issues we were carrying, we had written it on a piece of fire wood and then had to carry it ourselves with the physical weight of the wood and the spiritual weight of the issue. Along the trail i was asked if i wanted to add more things to this piece of wood, and always the answer was ‘no’. I felt enough weight in this one issue to carry up the hill. As we got back to training camp, i thought this was easy, what was so tough about it? BUT THEN…
Keep Going!! They showed us the hill (or should i say the mountain) and we had to bring our log and ourselves up the steep, muddy, breaking apart clay. Up, up, up it just didnt stop. Physically it was draining, emotionally i was fine. I just wanted to get to the top and dump the rubbish i was carrying. As i made it to the top, i threw the log at the foot of the cross but i didnt feel like that was enough, so as i sat looking at the view surrounding me i felt in my heart to break this fear i had to call out the name of Jesus. And as soon as i felt that ,my throat closed up and the fear completely covered me. i couldnt do it. The fear had grasped my heart and would not let go, but i felt God saying “Dont you leave this mountain until you release this fear” so i sat there occasionally i was ready to yell out but then my throat would constrict and nothing…
Even with God telling me not to leave, i was ready to leave, i couldnt do it, i felt like i had failed so i walked away, but this call was so strong that i stopped. As i left the top of the mountain i looked around me and not one single person was around. I stopped walking and yelled at the top of my lungs “JESUS” and as soon as my mouth opened the release came. I was free, the burden was gone. I was free of fear, i was free of the hold on my tongue and i was free to speak the name of Jesus.
GOD IS GOOD!
