It’s official. I come home in eight days. I can’t avoid it, and I can’t speed it up. Before I come home and see everyone in person, I thought perhaps I would take some time to write out an introduction to the Patricia that I am now.
Hello,
My name is Patricia, and I used to be known as “the good Christian girl”. You know the type. The one who never does anything “out of conduct”. The girl who goes to church regularly. The girl who has a community group. The girl who never goes out partying. The girl who works at a good reputable, preferably Christian, company. The girl who never colors outside of the lines, always staying in the predictable.
That was me, to a tee. I never did anything that would make anyone second guess who I was, ever. Perhaps on the surface, there doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with that. After all, it’s what those of us who grew up in the church have been taught our whole lives, and those of us who just recently became a part of the church, are told constantly. However, when I took a deeper look into what “the good Christian girl” is really about, I found out that being a good Christian girl is not at all who Jesus wants me to be.
Don’t be too shocked by that statement, and hear me out. I lived 21 years of “the good Christian girl” life, and I found that it leaves many holes and places of confusion and defeat. I discovered that this life that I had thought I was supposed to live, only bred captivity to human standards and expectations. I realized that instead of living in true freedom, I had, in fact, been living in bondage to myself.
This way of living had me engulfed in the idea that in order to experience the fullness of Christ, I must succumb to the scrutiny of others. It told me that working in a place that doesn’t believe the same as I do is wrong and shouldn’t be trusted, instead of seeing the need for God’s love and grace in those places. It made me believe that a good community was going to a Bible study or having a makeshift group of Christian friends, instead of a sister and brotherhood of family calling you to higher and bringing to light the characteristics of God already dwelling inside of you. It convinced me to rely on other’s voices equally as much as my Creator’s voice. It even persuaded me that having fun was limited solely to coffee dates and amusement parks. This persona that I had fully adopted, stopped me from seeking out opportunities to love others, and had me trying to prove that I was worth loving.
When I started the race, I was fully set on staying the same “good Christian girl”, and merely growing into more of that. I read my Bible, talked about spiritual things within my community, and kept up with my community back home.
I soon realized that in order to be free, I must die. I must die to “the good Christian girl”, and become the person that Jesus so marvelously called me into. As the months progressed, I stripped off every piece of modest clothing from “the good Christian girl”, and I put on more of the scandalous clothing of uninhibited grace and freedom. I broke the bondage of being the one who always has it together, and I shared my full, unfiltered story. And you know what? I cried, and it was fully beautiful. I shattered the stigma of composure, and I danced, barefoot, in the rain, in Africa. And you know what? I laughed so hard that snot came out of my nose, and it was magical. I broke free of the need to be perfect, and I dyed my hair blue. And you know what? I learned to love myself for the first time, and it was life altering. I walked away from other’s expectations of me, and I went dancing AND pierced my nose. And you know what? I didn’t seek anyone’s approval, not even my mom’s. I sprinted from the notion of doing only the ordinary and normal, and I adventured and dreamed and had more adventures than I can count. And you know what? They made me stronger than I will ever be able to express. I rejected the concept of only being around like minded people, and I frequented bars, temples, homes, and schools that most people wouldn’t step foot inside. And you know what? My capacity to love and to accept love grew more than any other time in my life.
I am not the same. I am different. I no longer accept the terms or conditions of being “the good Christian girl”. I don’t answer to that anymore. In fact, I reject that. So, let me introduce you to me.
Hi, my name is Patricia. I live in freedom. I experience grace like never before. I am radically impacted everyday by Abba’s love, and I in turn choose to radically impact the world with the same. I warmly invite correction, and freely admit that I mess up, everyday. I choose to live in mercy and continue to grow. I call others higher, and never settle myself for anything less than Jesus. I see the characteristics of Jesus that are inside of me, and I walk confidently in who I am. I know that because I am weak, Christ is strong in me, resulting in me being strong. I know who I am, and whose I am. I am not “the good Christian girl”. I am a wild warrior.
Zechariah 10:5-12:
They will be like mighty warriors in battle, trampling their enemies in the mud under their feet. Since the Lord is with them as they fight, they will overthrow even the enemy’s horsemen. “I will strengthen Judah and save Israel; I will restore them because of my compassion. It will be as though I had never rejected them, for I am the Lord their God, who will hear their cries. The people of Israel will become like mighty warriors, and their hearts will be made happy as if by wine. Their children, too, will see it and be glad; their hearts will rejoice in the Lord. When I whistle to them, they will come running, for I have redeemed them. From the few who are left, they will grow as numerous as they were before. Though I have scattered them like seeds among the nations, they will still remember me in distant lands. They and their children will survive and return again to Israel. I will bring them back from Egypt and gather them from Assyria. I will resettle them in Gilead and Lebanon until there is no more room for them all. They will pass safely through the sea of distress, for the waves of the sea will be held back, and the waters of the Nile will dry up. The pride of Assyria will be crushed, and the rule of Egypt will end. By my power I will make my people strong, and by my authority they will go wherever they wish. I, the Lord, have spoken!”
1 Peter 1:3-9
Hebrews 4:16
Jeremiah 6:16
