My squad and I just had our month 1 debrief in Siem Reap, and we were given some questions to look back on our time so far in Cambodia. I thought I’d share my answers with you!
1. What was good?
So much! I love our host family, getting to see another culture drastically different from my own is amazing, and learning from the Lord is always exciting! Not only that, but I’m learning more and more about my teammates everyday and it’s wonderful, and we’re constantly learning how to better love one another. Month 1 was also our all squad month, which was so fun. It was a joy to be able to spend time with everyone before we’re all scattered about Cambodia. The month was also just fun in general. We had lots of smiles, belly laughs to go around, and abounding joy in our hearts
2. What was hard?
Also so much. It was hard learning lessons from the Lord sometimes. It was hard waking up at 6am almost every day. It was hard dealing with some of the baggage in my heart.
Specifically I think one of the hardest parts was dealing with fear. In feedback sessions, at times it was really scary to share my feedback for one of my teammates. My team had been getting along so well, and I was scared to rock the boat. I didn’t want to risk what we had going for us. But in keeping feedback to myself, I knew that I was being selfish, and it wasn’t loving my teammate well. But in the end, when I did share that piece of feedback, I was able to learn that if we don’t rock the boat a little, we won’t know if it can stay afloat at all.
3. What did I learn about God and myself?
I learned a lot about my expectations vs the Lord’s. Before the race I learned how to fully commit to His plans. However, I continually had expectations of what His plans could and would look like, and that wasn’t okay for two reasons. First, when we make expectations about God’s plans instead of waiting on His expectations, we’re putting our desires before the Lord’s. We’re putting our own ideas above that of our creator’s. In doing so, we push ourselves further away from intimacy with the Father, because we are relying less on him and more on our own mind. Second, it’s simply unhealthy for us to do this. We often make these ideas of what our lives our going to look like (even when it’s within God’s plan) and when they’re changed or taken away, we become upset or angry. Perhaps even with God.
Another thing that I learned was that sometimes the things God has for us will be really tough on us, from a worldly view. When the guys and I were reading Luke together, the idea that Mary was a virgin really caught my eye. Back then, being a virgin was very much tied to the idea of purity. So it’s cool that the Son of God came from someone that was pure in that culture. He also didn’t come from a man, because she was a virgin. But on top of that, she was unmarried, and pregnant. That must’ve been really hard on Mary. She probably faced judgement from her family, her friends, and anyone else she came across. Perhaps that’s part of why she and Joseph were denied space at the inn and had to settle in for the night with the livestock and give birth in a manger. But she still had faith that it was all for the glory of her God, and she didn’t back away from that.
I’m also discovering how much I love spending time in scripture. It kind of just hit me over these last couple of days that it’s one of my top ways I spend time with God. The fact that we have hundreds of chapters of his living word to delve into is incredible, and I’m falling more and more in love with spending time in it every day.
4. Is there anything I need to release to God?
My competitiveness. I’ve always been a competitive person, but that’s dangerous if we don’t keep our guard up. On one hand, it can be a lot of fun! God gave me this edge so that I can push myself in many ways, but it can also be easily twisted into pride. C.S. Lewis heavily compares the idea of pride and competitiveness. He writes, “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man.” And he’s so right! This is something that I often fall into, and I hate it. This is something that I need to release to the Father.
5. What is something God spoke to me in this month that I can take into the next one?
“Be quiet. I am God. Do not speak.”
“Beloved Son.”
“Their ideas don’t matter. It’s between us anyways.”
I hope that gives you a glimpse into what my first month was like! If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me! My email is [email protected]
My next blog will be all about looking forward into the next few months of the race. Peace & blessings until then.
