He is and so am I !
The sentence above is as big of an understatement as I could ever think of. As I sit here in Ratchaburi, Thailand attempting to put all my thoughts, feelings, and past few weeks into one short blog I feel the Lord calling me to simply tell you how alive He truly is and how alive you can be walking alongside him.
After months of staying up late reading countless World Race blogs and feeling an overwhelming sense of longing to be there, here I am. I’m in the midst of it all, it’s a whirlwind of Jesus and all that He has to offer. Blogs are great to look back on for memories and documentation of my life at the time, but honestly I don’t care about that. This is for YOU, yes you sitting at Starbucks or you at your desk when you should be working (it’s okay, this will be quick). I can’t make you love Jesus and He can’t make you either, so here I am with all I have. All I have is stories and living proof of how real this is, how exciting, exhilarating, and BEAUTIFUL this life is. That life being one full of the Father.
A lot of the time the World Race is glorified. You see the pictures of tigers, elephants, and epic things you desperately would want to witness in the flesh. Yes those are great, but that’s not why I signed up for this trip. Among the many goals I have for this trip, the number 1 is to come to a point of full reliance on the Lord. That true dependency isn’t found at Monkey Mountain or the Tiger Temple, it’s often and almost always found in brokenness. I wouldn’t have it any other way and neither would you. The flights that lasted for 2 days and lead us all around the world to places like Doha, Qatar were quite a test, but needless to say my team and I found some serious joy in those moments. It all changed as soon as we set foot in our future home for the next 3 months.
Immediately as we arrived in Ratchaburi, Thailand we were faced with the painful news that the mother of our host family was hospitalized due to a severe illness. We were told that most of our ministry had been cancelled and we had the option to leave to another ministry sight located elsewhere in Thailand. As our team came together to discuss it, we all felt an overwhelming sense of God calling us to stay. So here we are, 5 days later, 5 days packed full of ministry later. Our intentions on staying were/are to provide support in any way possible to this wonderful family.
God had much, much more in store for us.. The last few days my team and I have been teaching English to Thai students at 2 different schools. The second day, my teammate and fellow teacher was sick, and she was totally the brains of the operation. As I stepped into class alone to teach I had no idea what to do, nonetheless teach these children who spoke barely any English and not to mention without a translator. As I started with simple things, like colors and nouns God presented me with an opportunity. This opportunity was exactly what I came here to do, to tell people about Jesus. There is a saying that goes, “Preach the gospel and when needed use words.” Now was my turn to use words, but as I looked out into the school courtyard and saw a Buddha statue, fears begin to creep into my head. He spoke to me and reminded me of all the times I would hear and read about people standing up for their faith, even being a martyr. As I made the choice to be bold and share the gospel with classrooms full of young children raised to idolize a false idol he worked and took over. As the Holy Spirit spoke through me I began to share a verse, John 3:16. As I shared this and discussed the bible with them I knew God was working, in that moment and that he would be even when I left. Sometimes we don’t get to see the harvest of our good works, but knowing that I was planting a seed was more than enough.
Another drastically different situation that arose was one that required me to face a fear I’d been struggling with my whole life. The fear of needles, yep, needles… Reading this you may chuckle, but just know if I even think of needles I get queasy. Oh and shots ? Yeah thats a no go, I nearly pass out every time. So as we were presented with yet another opportunity to push deeper with God my team and I took it. A family friend who was in the hospital and only left with one bag of blood left desperately needed donors. I’ve never given blood and I vividly remember a conversation a few days before I left the states where I claimed I would never give blood, now here I am in Thailand of all places, donating blood. Oh and I have the blood type O so God definitely has a sense of humor, now I realized I can donate to anyone who needs blood, better get to work.. The story isn’t over yet and even though I want to say it’s not a happy ending, I know in my heart it is. A day later we were informed that the lady had passed away overnight. I never even got to see her, but my heart ached. Immediately thoughts began to consume my head. Why would this happen, how could this happen…. Her boyfriend who we got to meet and be alongside throughout the process of donating began to ask questions, like why us ? Who is Jesus and what were we doing here ? If this opportunity hadn’t been taken it would be nothing more than just another death at a hospital we knew nothing about. I can take heart knowing that it is so much more than that now, it is a catalyst and our mighty God will use it to do unimaginable things.
Before I wrap all of this up I want to rewind to about a week ago, to a rooftop in Bangkok, Thailand. On that morning God lead me to the rooftop where I sat and rested in his presence. As I took in the Bangkok skyline my attention was caught by something that disturbed my heart and still does, like never before. For about 15 minutes I sat and watched person after person bow down to a statue of Buddha and worship him. I knew of other religions before, but as I sat and watched this take place in the flesh there was no greater pain I had ever experienced before. How gut-wrenching it was to see these precious people, sons and daughters of God bow down to a false idol, nothing more than a stone or piece of metal… As I took all of this in there was a burning fire that was lit again in my heart reminding me that no matter what, for the rest of my life, I had to continue to share the Love of Jesus Christ.
Take note, you don’t have to be here in Ratchaburi, Thailand, Africa, Haiti, or wherever you think you need to be. You are exactly where you are supposed to be, take heart in that. Even though it may seem difficult to live everyday like it’s your last or live it whole-heartedly for God let me tell you from first hand experience that it is worth it. You are called higher, answer that whisper in your heart and hold on for a wild ride.
