I have been thinking and remembering about all the things I have done but mostly of all the people that have come into my life. We, well I do anyways, have a tendency of thinking of the things we have not done or attained in life. Or regretting past decisions and not being able to move pass them. I think we get into these thoughts when we take a selfish/victim mindset of our lives. When we compare ourselves to others and to society’s standards. Man, have I struggled these couple of months with all of this. Satan has come down hard on me with all of the above. It has been as if everyday he has picked some new insecurity to remind me of… things that I had thought I already dealt with. I would find myself many, many times thinking and wallowing on these things. BUT my Jesus is so much bigger. I just kept hearing Him telling me “I’m here.”
You see I know that one of my biggest insecurities in life is loneliness. That people will not remember me. Not the kind of remembering of when I die but the remembering of me now. The fact that I am someone they want in their lives. The crazy part of this is that a year ago I heard God telling me to willingly leave my “life” in NJ and move to Houston where I essentially knew no one. Choosing to enter into a life of being “alone” in a new city. Oh man but can I just say yet again my JESUS is so much bigger. The dots are connecting for me. I won’t deny at all that I have not felt lonely but in that loneliness is where I have grown deeper with my relationship with Christ. It’s a process that I am meant to be in right now to prepare for my trip. It’s knowing and constantly being reminded that I am never truly alone. Jesus remembers me. He knows me. That is ENOUGH!
Now during this time God has also very clearly reminded me of the many people who have surrounded and shaped my life. I have to tell you He has countless of times put in my mind specific faces and events. He’s been reminding me to be THANKFUL. And I am. I am so thankful to God for every single person who He has brought into my life. So my prayer right now is one of thanksgiving for having you in my life. I pray that you too would know that Jesus remembers you and knows you. I pray that you would also hear Him say “I’m here” and that that is enough.
With love,
Paola
