Awake, O sleeper

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            My time spent in Vietnam covered a
wave of emotions and attitudes. I went from moments of being broken, empty, and
drained, to moments of joy, encouragement, and growth. Everything went up and
down and consistency seemed to never be present. One of the most constant
feelings though throughout the month for me (as well as a majority of my squad)
was this overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. We had beds and air-conditioning,
the formula for a good nights sleep. But morning after morning I would wake up
exhausted, and in the afternoons would need a nap. At first, I attributed this
state to our ministry of praying in the middle of the night. After more thought
though, I realized that I wasn’t up every night, and I didn’t always have
intense hours, and this exhaustion was way more than losing an hour in the
night. This was a state of being I couldn’t explain.

            The more I thought about this
exhaustive state, I knew it had to be a direct attack from the Devil. He knew
he couldn’t invade my mind anymore so he had to try to knock me down
physically. But, Satan is not stupid. He wants to use cultural strongholds to
weaken us. A stronghold is a sin which has increased in strength due to the
spiritual activity in an area. Now I had to think, what stronghold in Vietnam
would prompt Satan to drain me of energy. And then it came to me. A cultural
stronghold I felt in Vietnam was this attitude of passivity. Its ironic though,
because Ho Chi Minh is an intense city with constant movement. This passive
attitude comes though from the lack of desiring truth. Buddhism presents this
overwhelming burden that you have to constantly be striving to reach new levels
of being good. People think that their past sins effect their future, and so
they give up. The are defeated by the idea of never being able to attain
nirvana, and so they stop trying. They don’t know about the saving grace of
Christ, and how there is nothing we can do to make God love us more, because He
already loves us more than we could ever imagine. They don’t know that it is by
grace we have been brought out of darkness, not by works, and that all we need
to do is believe. So, they become passive. Another evident avenue for the
passive attitude comes with the sex trade. Whether the women are doing it
voluntarily or have been trafficked, it is a huge issue that no one wants to
touch. Abuse continues and identity is lost because no one is stepping up and
saying that these women have rights. It continues night after night, and
everyone pretends like it is normal. These are just a couple examples of the
stronghold of passivity that is in Ho Chi Minh.

            Now, how did this effect me? I am a
world racer! I have given up a life of passivity to be broken into action for
our Lord. I desire to go in with energy and strength and spread the good news
of Jesus. I would never let Satan hold me back…right? I cant speak for
others, but I know for myself I let this stronghold creep in. Waking up to
exhaustion, having coffee be ineffective, and being overwhelmed by the business
of a huge city drained me. There were days when I would return to my room after
ministry and pull the covers over my head. I missed out on some things. I
missed out on more personal time with the Lord, on being in prayer, and even on
seeking out fellowship with people on my squad.

            I don’t want this blog to give the
wrong impression of my time in Vietnam though. I LOVED being there. I loved the
ministries I was blessed to be a part of (see previous blogs), I loved the
growth in our squad as we lived together, and I loved the things that God was
teaching me throughout the month. But, I would be lying to myself if I didn’t
acknowledge my weaknesses in the month as well. There could have been more. God
is constantly present, waiting for us to seek him out, and I know I could have
done more. But, luckily my God is a patient God, and a God who meets me where I
am at. There is going to be the good and bad in every month and I hope that I
can look at the harder times as things to learn from and hopefully not hold on
to when moving into the next month. Being in Cambodia I have a new energy. The
atmosphere is different here, and exhaustion has not overcome me. This country
too has its strongholds, and there is a lot of hurt and heaviness, but its in a
whole new way that I am excited to search out with the strength of God inside
of me.