I love architectural plans and always have! As a kid I would spend hours looking at floor plans, mostly homes. My mind wandered through the design as if I lived the life that would take place there. My childhood was chaotic and traumatic so this little exercise allowed me the chance to escape reality and dream. It brought me comfort to know somewhere things made more sense, here in this plan there was structure and beauty. Organization of space, clearly defined boundaries, a neat and tidy picture. This is what propelled me into the world of art. I could make the picture, I could control the outcome, and if I had a vision then with hard work I could make it so. It also gave me a place to process the junk of my past. Shortly after college I brought this ideology into the 3D realm, I bought a fixer upper of a house. I rolled up my sleeves and said I can do this thing. I took out emotional frustration on projects of many kinds, I tore down ceilings, I pried off layers of sticky vinyl from hardwood floors covered in dried tar, which then I loosened and scraped off. I then sanded and stained the floors, painted and eventually repainted every wall and ceiling. All of this work done over the span of a decade, with a broken heart, broken bones and eventual loss of vision, and I don’t just mean the detriment to my eyes with blinding fumes. I was ridiculously laboring over an object that had become my obsession.
Throughout this decade of home ownership I did have a three year hiatus to the mountains of North Carolina where I was saved. What happened in that time is key to this story. The Lord asked me to join Him in the Upper Room where the Spirit opened up the chamber of my heart, and He began speaking to me about its architecture. Jesus revealed to me that I was made to be a David; I was born to fight, to overcome my painful past, to be a warrior and a leader. Every bit of my testimony was to lead others to the freedom that I now have in Christ. I was to be both a lover and a fighter, to love others and go to battle for their souls. Just as King David exclaimed “I had it in my heart to build a house of rest…But God said to me “You must not build a house for My name, because you are a man of war and blood.” 1 Chronicles 28:2-3
Then came the prophetic words and visions. “You are a forerunner!” “I see you at the helm of a ship, breaking forth through icy waters, pressing out into uncharted territory” “Take your giftings and bless the Nations” “Have Hebrews 11 faith and join the Hall of Fame of the faithful” So what was I doing building a house when I needed to be building up the Kingdom? I went back to Florida with a mission to sell my house, dump debt and get going with my destiny.
Problem…The housing market crashed and I owed about $40,000 more on my house than what it was worth. I resumed right where I left off with trying to build value into it. About this time I was told by a very wise man to read the book of Jonah. I read it and really wondered why that story? How did it pertain to me? Despite reading many books about missionaries I thought it was some far off plan and in my rebellion kept doing things my way. About this time I suddenly started using the word vomit in my everyday vocabulary. This situation at work makes me want to vomit and that driver on my route to work makes me want to vomit. Weird, I know! Then I started waking up in the middle of the night saying Laodicea. I hadn’t ever read Revelation and I thought I was speaking gibberish until after the third time when I Googled. Behold my revelation when I saw I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth. Revelation 3:15-16. It also came back to me this scripture in Jonah. So the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land. Jonah 2:10. Oh my! No wonder the preoccupation with vomit, He wanted to vomit me up! It was not His will for me to be working my plan with my house, I had become lukewarm in the safety of what I knew. I had to give up control! I had to go beyond the framework of what was comfortable, beyond the borders of my draft. His plan was for me to cross the Oceans. Excerpted lyrics by Hillsong United.
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
