“Are you nursing or pregnant or plan to become pregnant?” “No, I plan to go on a mission!” This has been the notable question and response over the course of the past month. With my need for seven vaccinations and a lot of medical check ups I have been examined and found to be a curious specimen of a woman. Most have been fascinated by my plan to go around the world, but from a clinical perspective have pointed to this being a crucial time in my reproductive life. They have seen that I am soon to be 34 and find it interesting that I have no children and plan to travel around the world as a missionary instead. There have been follow up questions… do you just not have an interest in having kids? While the first question is routine in all medical settings the follow up is the start of a social science experiment. All I can say is that I have put all my eggs in one basket and gave it to Jesus. He is my Easter basket of life and can resurrect these aging eggs if He should plan for me to marry and have kids, but until then I will love orphans and the single life which makes it possible for me to do the extraordinary.
I long struggled to arrive at the place of peace with where God has me. There are still moments when I let the enemy steal my joy but then I laugh at the lengths to which the Lord has gone to get me to surrender and I am reminded of His faithfulness to see me thrive during this season of my life. In both my professional and personal life He had me surrounded by the very thing that made my heart sick. At work I was transferred to the women’s health unit where I process daily the requests for pregnant veterans to receive care in the community. There was even an infertility specialist brought in to provide additional training on care coordination for the reproductively challenged. My social calendar was booked with weddings and baby showers, my peer group dwindled and I became a part of the minority in church. All of this amounted to a broken heart. There was a crack in the facade, I couldn’t pretend I was ok with it anymore. In my vulnerability Jesus had a place to come in and minister to my needs, He filled me up through that crack. I became open to receiving what He has for me instead. A world of possibilities. The World Race.
Years ago while working at an organization for the developmentally disabled I had a unique opportunity to see life from some unusual perspectives. Those were my first days as a Christian, I was learning to be dependent on God. The participants in the program demonstrated what a childlike faith really was. One moment in particular, a sweet memory, with a man who has since gone to be with the Lord. He faced many challenges physically and otherwise but remained faithful and joyful, he always knew who to call on. While flipping through the pages of a magazine in search of an idea for his next painting he came across an ad for a bridal boutique. He pointed to the large white gown and asked me if I had one of those big dresses. I smiled and said “No, that’s a wedding dress and I’ve never been married.” His response “What? You got no man?” He held up his finger to signal for me to wait right there while he dug into his pocket and pulled out an imaginary cell phone. He said “Hey, Jesus, you got a man for her? Hmm… ok I will tell her.” He then shrugged his shoulders and said “Jesus says no man for you!” He certainly knew who to ask and I knew that through the laughter and love I would be just fine with how the Lord answered.
While many at my age already are or are becoming wives and mothers I celebrate with them the goodness of the Lord to bring them into that season. I am finally embracing with excitement that He is equipping me for something else entirely different. Guess what everyone?!? I am marrying Jesus, our registry is with The World Race and there might just be a shower me with gear party in the near future.
