The
I in H
im
I returned to work this morning after 12 days of world race training camp, still in a stupor, to a co-worker asking, “How was boot camp?”. I chuckled yet upon reflection, I have to admit that it indeed felt like boot camp, especially spiritually. I experienced inner turmoil every single second of training. Each day I felt more exposed and raw, as if my skin had been peeled away inch by inch, leaving me bleeding and wounded with only my muscles and bones remaining on display for everyone to gawk at. “I” was dying.
Writing and submitting my race bio proved a vulnerable process for me. I made some bold statements about my life and my relationship with Christ. All through the training process I publicly voiced life lessons, beliefs, and things i felt God was asking me to let go of. Little did I know that God would call me to task on my words! He gradually revealed to me during training that He purposely removed all of the ways in which I usually depend on others to make me feel worthy, included, needed, and loved, in order to challenge me to evaluate if I really believe and trust in what I say:
Is it really all about My glory?
Have you truly come to the end of yourself?
If I slay you, will you really trust Me?
Am I really enough?
Am I your only judge?
Are you letting Me be the only one who determines your worth?
Is your center in Me only?
Do you really want to be free, to be completely abandoned to Me,
to be broken bread and
poured-out wine?
Will I remain your ultimate passion?
Nothing like being totally convicted and humbled. I am amazed at the extent of how I spent the majority of my time being so self-focused, even while telling myself that it was about God and not my feelings. I am being asked to surrender EVERYTHING, no matter the cost, so that I might be TOTALLY dependent on Christ, and to allow Him to meet my every need and desire. “I” have been completely crushed, and realize that this year of service for God will require me to moment by moment
will that it be ALL about H
im, and then
will to relinquish myself; I must decrease, and He must increase.
‘My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak’
2 Corinthians 12:9
