i am not a piece of flesh, or a melee of body parts. i have a heart, and a brain, and a soul, as do you. i think, i feel. i am miles away from wearing the revealing, provocative clothing i see almost everywhere. then why. why must almost every male, from even the earliest ages of 7’ish, treat women as if we are simply objects to be had. i can go nowhere in public where i do not have all kinds of snide remarks, derisive noises and whistles, prolonged stares, even lips pursed into kisses hurled at me. even when i cannot understand spanish, the tone of voice and the way i am looked at makes it very clear what is being conveyed. there is absolutely nothing i do that provokes such brutish behavior – i am reduced to a sexual object, something not worthy of respect but only to be used and ogled. i am disgusted to my core. the sad thing is that this behavior brings out the worst in me – all i want to do is fight back with ugly words and finger gestures. i have lost my temper on many occasions. and worst of all, it makes me want nothing to do with this culture of people. i want to love these people and seem to cry out to God every day to break my heart for his sons and daughters. i just could not seem to get past this though.
during my afternoon run two days ago, and after having to fight off the urge to hit someone, these words came to me, ‘sow the seeds of love’. so i began to think about this – what seeds indeed? i didn’t really see much evidence of love and nothing was revealing itself until last night. wanting desperately to fall asleep, as ever my thoughts kept me tossing and turning instead. i began to think back to my time in mozambique, reflecting on the powerful changes that took place in me. then it hit me with full force—grace. grace, grace, grace. i suddenly felt this warmth and peace overcome me as i recalled how this little, but powerful, word transformed my world back in my tent in africa, and i instantly knew that this was what all this angst came down to. regardless of the genesis of this intense struggle i face, grace is the answer, as well as love. after all, God gives me nothing less. sow the seeds indeed.
