we have had our feet washed and scrubbed with what appears to be a sugar and/or salt concoction. sarah is lying next to me, her massage already in progress. i seem to wait an unusually long time for mine to begin. i take advantage of this precious time to rest, wishing i could nap but having previously had a massage here earlier in the week, i am too expectant for what is to come. suddenly i am startled back to reality by my feet being tortuously bent towards each other. i look up and see this young, tiny thai woman, her face contorted in anger. she begins to speak to the masseuse next to me, her voice venomous. i instantly wonder what i have done to cause such injury. the pressure she exerts is painful, as is the way in which she contorts my legs. i continue to lie there contemplating what i have done to deserve such behavior, allowing this ‘massage’ to proceed, hoping that soon she will lighten up; she does not. in my mind, i think ‘i will give her five more minutes and if this doesn’t change, i will ask her to stop’. multiples of five minutes go by and still i wrestle with why i hesitate to speak up.
my thoughts suddenly divert, and my focus changes to her, rather than on myself. i begin to pray that the Lord would supernaturally flood her with His peace, His salvation. recognition soon sets in – i have immediately jumped to the conclusion that it must be something about me that provoked her, even though some part of me knew that it was impossibility. yup, once again i have been so self-involved that i think another’s actions and thoughts somehow reflect something about me. acutely feeling the conviction, i am hugely disappointed. for what feels like forever, God has been impressing upon me that the actions/opinions/feelings of others have nothing to do with me. ‘what other people think about me is none of my business’ has been a quote i’ve repeated time and time again. i cling to Jesus in this moment, fully assured that it is only what He thinks about me that matters.
i then start to contemplate what might be truly behind her anger, and more importantly, if i treat others similarly when i am angry or frustrated. yup, convicted again. i do often take out my emotions on others. it is a humbling moment. God then reminds me of His grace and forgiveness which He pours out to me daily. i think about how she also is created in His image and wonder if she knows the one and only God and Father. my heart begins to soften. my prayers for her become more fervent, my desire to extend to her the grace and forgiveness my Jesus extends to me more urgent. perhaps it is my imagination, but i feel as if i can tangibly feel her anger dissipate. little by little, the pressure lessons, little by little i begin to let go and relax. before i know it, she softly tells me she is finished. as i leave this funny little shop in ratchaburi, Thailand, she gently reaches out to give me my change and with a shy smile, says ‘kop koon kah’, or thank you. a changed woman, i think to myself. i walk away wondering just how much my world would be hugely transformed if I took my eyes off of myself and extended this same unconditional grace to those i meet every day.
