Body Image.
Those two words carry a lot of meaning, and often hurt for many people. I was one of those people.
Body image was one of those things growing up that never gave me too much trouble. I was a fairly active kid, always involved in sports in school and when I wasn’t playing sports, I was probably playing outside. I was never on the heavy side as a kid, but I was also not thin like my friends. I remember noticing this as a child, but I didn’t let it get in the way of how I viewed myself. As I grew older and entered high school, appearance became more of a priority, as I’m sure some of you can relate to in your own lives. I cared a lot about how I looked, because if people liked the way I looked, I felt valued. I felt accepted.
If you have ever had these same thoughts, you are not alone. But I must clarify that they are not truth, not even close. Our culture has accepted the lie that people’s worth is defined by their appearance. Now you see why body image is such a widely discussed topic these days? It has crept into areas where it doesn’t belong. And the thing about it is, it doesn’t matter if you are christian or not; male or female, this is a humanity issue.
I want to tell you about my personal struggle with body image on the race and how I have been set free. Living in community in third world countries is an interesting thing. To be honest, I have very little control. Most of the time I eat the food that is prepared by our ministry hosts or whatever is available at the nearest grocery store that we buy as a team. Often times, there is minimal access to fresh vegetables and fruit (my first choice of food). So, for the past few months my diet has consisted of an obscene amount of noodles, rice, beans, and bread. I’m sure you can imagine what a steady diet of carbs will do to a person. If you’re one of those rare people that isn’t affected by carbs, you are a blessed human being, however I am not one of those people. I began to notice it affecting more areas of my life than just physically. I started becoming insecure and sometimes embarrassed of how I looked. I would avoid posting certain things on social media in fear of what people back home might have to say about it. I’d compare my body to how it used to be or worse, I’d compare myself to other people with me on the race- which is silly, because we are entirely different human beings. Here’s what I have to say about comparison: It is the thief of joy and its power is destructive.
A couple of days ago, one of our leaders asked us all a question. She asked us what we see and believe about ourselves when we look in the mirror. Want to know what my response was? “If I looked different, I’d be happier. Maybe if I was just a little thinner and if my hair didn’t look this way and oh, if I was just a bit shorter and if I had [fill in the blank]…..I would feel valued. Confident”. Yeah, there it is. An ugly, but honest thought. Dissatisfied & unhappy.
So there you go. My struggle with body image. But that’s not the end, not even close. I want to tell you about how I have been set free.
Below is my journal entry from the other morning:
“God, I have criticized my body time and time again, but have I even considered giving you thanks for what my body does? I am thankful that you created my body to function the way it does. Thank you for giving me eyes to see light and faces and beautiful things like Victoria Falls and the color yellow. Thank you for my ears that let me listen to the voices of people I love and music and the sound of wind blowing in the trees. Thank you for my nose that allows me to smell rain and freshly baked cookies and orange blossoms during spring time. Thank you for allowing me to taste thanksgiving dinner and fresh fruit and roasted vegetables. Thank you for making my brain unique to me. Thank you for allowing me to take my own thoughts captive and form opinions and dream dreams. Thank you for giving me a voice to communicate and ask questions and speak life and greet new people. Thank you for giving me heathy lungs and heart that beats on rhythm. Thank you for every bone; every muscle; every tendon and ligament. Thank you for my feet that take me places. And oh, thank you for my hands- they create, welcome in, and talk when I don’t have the words. God, you are good and everything you create is good. Forgive me for being blind to your craftsmanship. I like the way you made me.”
In Psalm 139, David writes “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous- how well I know it”. I’ve read this verse countless times and heard it in just about every “all girls” gathering you can imagine, and it never set quite well with me until now. Every time it was presented to me, it was to give assurance that we are beautiful on the outside. I just remember hearing the words “you are beautifully and wonderfully made” as a bandaid for feeling ugly or insecure about appearance. I don’t think that is why David wrote this at all. I think He wrote the verse to give glory to God. After all, His craftsmanship is so intricate; so complex. And I think once we recognize the miracle of how God made our bodies to function, it puts everything in perspective and makes caring about physical appearance futile and unsatisfying. I give God thanks for how He made my body to function, and I’m able to start walking in freedom from enslavement to the world’s standards of physical perfection.
To those who are weary, come. To those who seek freedom, come. To those who are hurting, come. God has freedom for you. He has rest. He has truth. Grab ahold of it. Run with it.
