Why is it that as humans we always want do overs? Never are we satisfied with what we did, said, or saw, we always want more.
But then there is that unhealthy opposite of never wanting to fully do anything UNLESS there is someone left gawking at our success, our kind gesture, our extravagant adventure where we showed boldness or courage, or just the character we possess. It’s a biblical desire we have in us to want to be doing life before an audience. But let me ask you a question: How big is that audience? Is it those 1,500 Instagram followers that you have? Your 12 family members who sacrificed so much for you? Countless people who love you that expect for you to always “be that girl?”
It’s an audience of one. Of THE One. G0d. But the audience doesn’t always stop there when it comes to a heavenly perspective.
This is my biggest struggle of flesh, wanting everyone to see me at my best and doing things for G0d. But quite honestly I am too busy working for G0d that I forget that I’ve partnered with G0d. That the thank you card I write behind closed doors for someone who loved me well is JUST as kingdom bringing (even though G0d alone saw it) as me stepping into a bar and ushering women out who were once enslaved by sex. He’s right beside me in it all and He doesn’t say one is more worthy because I was a witness to more. It’s important to share what we see fit to those who are supporting us in order to encourage them; it shows that G0d is mighty and worthy of our time and efforts. So behind my insecurities in thinking I am unworthy unless everyone and their mom sees me doing, speaking, and loving with goodness is a picture the Lord continually gives me.
Whenever I feel like I am tired, fed up with the world, or unwilling to do something “because no one will notice,” I am reminded of those cheering for me in the heavens.
The picture is something I refer to in conversation with other people and has pushed me to be bolder amidst an age where WHAT you share is WHO you are. In times of intense frustration with myself I remember the crowd who cheers for me daily, a G0d who was for me even before anyone that walks the earth today could think to be against me. The angels up in heaven are all seated side by side in this picture and they are expectant for what I’ll do next. They are on the edges of their seat as the look over the edges of the middle and down into a clear view of me on earth. Whether I am doing my everyday life, running down the street in Vietnam, having a bold conversation with a friend in a coffee shop while he tells me “J3sus is a good philosopher”,” or alone, at home crying because I think life’s unfair THEY ARE CHEERING. Those angels are shoving popcorn in their faces while they whisper to one another of ALL that I’ll accomplish. Each one of them believes the best of me and they want me to stand on their shoulders when it comes to what I’ll accomplish in this life. They took G0d’s step 8 to 42 and maybe I’ll be the one to get 42 to step 45, but I’m enough. Enough to pick up where they left off and exalt Him further.
G0d shows me that daily because I need to hear it, I need to see those angels and remember what my purpose is. If I can’t propel myself into that activity without needing a crowd, I remember that the BEST of those are seated high above and they are laughing at me when I’m crazy and freely running on the beach, they are crying when I’m broken on the floor wanting to go home or hug my mom, and they are so PROUD of me when I step out in obedience and listen to what He’s asking me to do.
Remember that obviously He is watching, but a family of believers who have walked before you love to watch your life unfold according to His plan. I imagine them all jumping out of their seats with their hands on their shaking heads when I chose to act out of selfishness versus love but they are also ripping tissues out of the Kleenex box when my life is in shambles. I am not alone. I am not forgotten about. I am not just some ordinary girl with a simple thing to do in this world.
People adore all of us. But those who adore us most are not “just people,” rather divine cheerleaders who can barely contain themselves with the plotline that is YOUR life.
Keep living largely and know that you don’t have to show a single person, it helps on occasion but is not necessary.
Everyone who is anyone is already watching and has been for a while.
PS. Between going away parties and island hopping I am learning that it’s a privilege to get to live this life.
