This month has been crazy. It’s been good and it’s been bad. I’ve had to rely on the Lord literally with all that I have. I have trusted in His goodness and faithfulness with all I have. I have prayed a lot. He is so present and I really had to trust what He was saying was true or I would be back in America. I WOULD be home. And I say that confidently. This month my best friend got sick. Like not just a cold or stomach bug actually sick in a way that was scary. She started throwing up December 30th and didn’t stop for weeks. 17 days to be exact. She couldn’t keep any food or liquids down. She’s been in and out of the hospital and had to stay there for a while and have liquids and medicine pumped into her body because she couldn’t keep any of it down. The hardest part was the doctors did every test possible and they literally all came back saying she was healthy and fine. WHICH WAS OBVIOUSLY NOT TRUE.
I got frustrated. The first week I literally was like oh it’s probably a stomach virus and she will be fine. About a week and a half passed and they decided to put a scope in her stomach and check her gallbladder. I was sure they would find out what’s going on. But….NOTHING.
This is when I started to panic. She was still vomiting with no answer as to why and if it continued things were going to start looking bad. For those of you who know me, you know that when someone I love is hurting I’m with them. I’m there to hold their hand, rub their back, sit with them while they cry. I’m there to pray for healing and wholeness in whatever is going on. This is a default in my personality. It’s just who I am. I care about my people and I worry when they aren’t okay. Sometimes I will literally worry myself sick (that’s what my mom would tell me when I was little and worrying about something. “That it was all going to be alright and if I worry about what I can’t control I’m going to worry myself sick.” And she’s not wrong.)
I had officially hit the worrying stage. Every possibility of things that could go wrong crossed my mind. And I was living in my worst nightmare. My biggest fear was happening and honestly I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. One day I broke down. I cried for a while and my friends laid with me, cried with me, and prayed for Chan and me. They pointed me to the truth of what Jesus says. But all I wanted was to be home. So when they left I looked up a plane ticket and decided that I was going to text leadership and express to them that I needed to go home. But Jesus stopped me and told me to wait. He said “nows a time to truly trust me because she no longer needs you but she needs me.” And I was crushed. I fought and wanted to say no but I decided to trust Him. Because it’s true what can I do. I literally have no authority and Jesus has all authority so there’s no point in me trying to take it where it isn’t given.
So I got on my knees and I prayed. I cried a lot…. again. And I said to him “please please heal her God. Why is this happening? I just can’t understand it. Please heal her.” And I honestly think those were the only things I could say to Jesus in that moment. And I said them over and over. But I knew to trust Him. To know that He is good and faithful. To know that He chose Chandley and I as His children and He loves us exponentially more than we could ever imagine.
And guys she’s going to be okay. Literally Jesus healed her. Doctors never figured out what was wrong with her but one day she stopped throwing up. Then she was able to keep down liquids. Then they didn’t have to pump medicine and liquids into her body anymore. Then she was able to eat solid food little by little. Then she went home. Then her nausea went away completely. And she was healed but not just physically but also her heart was healed from the lies of the enemy and she realized that Jesus wants to have a relationship with her and God loves her enough to send His son to die for her.
And friends God loves you enough to send His son to die for you too. If you were the only person on the planet He would still have sent Jesus for you because He loves you individually so much. You are everything to Him and He wants all of your heart not just pieces. Trust in His goodness and His love. It’ll change your life.
Chandley, I love you a whole bunch. I thank Jesus often for your friendship and that you’re better and back to online shopping. 😉 I actually wouldn’t be the same without you and I can’t imagine anyone else being my best friend. Thanks for always being the most consistant and for putting up with me for 14 years. I miss you buddy
