I’m Paige. I’m passionate and driven. I love Jesus and I want to be the most like Him that I can.
I look back 10 years and realize how much has changed And how much God has intervened on my behalf.
I lived my life for this world and myself. I lived for what I could physically see in front of me. I lived for my friends and my family. When I was 15 I would’ve never thought I’d be where I’m at now. 10 years ago my life would only be a dream. I thought at 15 I’d be a teacher married and maybe having kids by now. That currently makes me laugh out loud.
When I was 18 I fell apart a little my first semester of college. There was a lot of change. People in and out of my life and I didn’t handle those kinds of things well. I laid around a lot. Then one day God pulled me up. He met me with I love yous and you’re so worthy. He wrapped His arms tight around me and told me I’m His. For the first time He had me stare at my truth and asked me if it was His. Was my “I’m not good enough or I can’t do anything right or I can never be forgiven” His truth… Those were some of the first things I wrestled with. And that first year of finding a relationship with Jesus really had a lot of moments where I had to look at my truth and see if it was His.
Jesus loves me. Jesus says I’m worthy. He says I am good enough. He says He is my shelter, protector, comforter, peace, etc.
Over and over He’s had me look at what I think and asked me if it’s what He says.
So I’m team leading for two months with the World Race in Indonesia now and then Malaysia. After Malaysia, I am going straight to Spain where I’ll be attending a leadership/discipleship school that will further prepare me for the future. This means I’m committing to another 11 months and it wasn’t easy.
So back to staring my truth in the face. Back in Swaziland (month 5) I basically told God that I would never leave Nashville again and I didn’t trust Him with my people. I didn’t want to or care to. Literally I have friends that can tell you because I said it out loud and they basically just stared at me with love in their eyes and told me it maybe wasn’t my best choice. I just wanted to be home and settle. I wanted to be with my humans. I had given God a year and now He could use me in Nash. Well God let me hold on to my truth for about a month before He had me stare my truth in the face once again and decide if it was His. Was my fear and anxiousness about my people from Jesus? Did He say He wouldn’t protect them? Did He say He leaves us alone? Did He say that it would be easy? All questions I knew the answer to. So after a while of being upset about it I abandoned my truth and held onto Gods and felt freedom. And in that freedom He asked me to go again. He asked me to give another 11 months away from home. And Im in. And He does sweet things like put me in Bali for the first month W H A T ? ! It hasn’t been an easy choice. I’ve argued A LOT with Him about backing out. I’ve begged Him to change His mind. I’ve told Him over and over I don’t want to do this. I’ve even questioned if I heard Him correctly. And when I questioned what I heard I was driving a normal routine drive and I looked over and the road sign, that basically jumped out into the street, said Spain St. He’s being very clear. He’s told me this is the easy way. He’s told me He loves me. And now I’m just choosing to jump in. I don’t have reservations but I am super bummed I left home again. Im missing time at home with my family when things might be changing. I’m missing my kiddos grow another year. I’m missing another year of living life with my best friends. Hopefully not another year where I miss 5 weddings. Traveling and serving Jesus is a lot of fun but it also can come at a price. There are a lot of days I have to remind myself I’m choosing Him and what His word says is true and let my truths be shed away and replaced with Gods truth. I know that He is the most worthy of all of my praise, which is laying down my ways for His.
So this is my next year friends!! I’m still fundraising and to total between team leading for the world race and going to G42 have about $4,400 left! I’d love if you would consider donating. You can donate on my blog here. Above is a donate button or Venmo: Paige-Holness. Thanks so much friends!!
