If you only read one of my World Race blogs, it should be this one… thanks for stopping by! You hit the jackpot!
Today marks one month of being in the States… the proverbial Month 12! You have welcomed me home with warm embraces and heart felt curiosity… THANK YOU! You had made all the difference. Your constant support and prayers have carried me, and will continue to carry me into the beautiful unknown. In this mess of a world, we need each other!
For those of you who followed my journey closely, thank you. Your blog comments and quick emails were precious, a source of encouragement and a beacon of hope. I read and re-read your letters. I cried in coffee shops. I asked God to show you blessing and favor, and to surprise you with new revelations of His love. (I bet He did!)
For those of you who recently stumbled upon my journey or this blog, thank you. Thank you for accepting the invitation of sharing life together. Thank you for learning alongside of me. I hope we stay connected for a long time. I hope I can fan a flame to your dreams too.
This year was absolutely breathtaking. There’s no way I could capture it in a blog post. But I will try to give you a sweet taste. In this month of processing and reflection, I am only beginning to unearth the treasures of this past year. There are many! All of these life lessons and experiences will continue rippling into eternity, leaving a wake of dear memories. I am sure of it.
Won’t you join me in this process of transition?
Here’s what I have (so far)…
Asia: relinquishing the false self
“The true self is indestructible and characterized by inner abundance. It is not needy easily offended or hurt. The true self is characterized by contentment, an abiding low-level peace and happiness.”
Richard Rohr
Before the race, I wrote several blogs about my tendency to manipulate others’ perceptions of me. I realized I was trapped in a perpetual cycle of performance, production, and efficiency. I overvalued my intelligence and ability to execute with excellence. I was stuffed full of pride and good at masking it. I wore the badge of “false humility”… “who me?” and secretly craved and needed your affirmation. I took offense easily and harbored bitterness against anyone who criticized or questioned my intent. #INFPs
Forgive me, friends. The Lord broke me of this very quickly, but not without a great deal of pain. I read a book by Donald Miller called “Scary Close” and digested it with deep conviction. I talked about it with anyone who would listen, so desperate for someone to relate the ugliness within.
Our first month in India was “All Squad Month”. Imagine. Fifty twenty-somethings new to the mission field, taking “out do one another…” (Romans 12:10) to another level. I fell into the trap. I wanted to prove myself as a good team leader and missionary. Gross. The Lord said… I want a daughter, not a slave. I am not impressed by you, but I love you. HURT SO GOOD. #pruning
And so, I began to learn the art of sonship. I learned that God looking for friends and partners (John 15). As sons and daughters, we have a responsibility to steward our thought life and our words. I learned that every thought we have makes an agreement with Heaven or Hell. There is no grey. Does my life reflect the gospel I proclaim to believe? Or does my life reflect a belief in the dark powers of this world? These are questions I will continue to ask myself on a daily basis because belief is a way of life, not a one-time decision.
In Asia, I grew in my confidence of hearing from God. I learned how He speaks to me.
As God spoke to me (or as I listened better), He invited me to resurrect prayers and pray for new spiritual gifts. In Nepal, I received the gift of tongues (it’s a great story!) and started walking into the prophetic realm. On two separate occasions, two foreigners (an Australian woman and an Englishman) prayed over me and gave me words that God has given me a unique prophetic gifting, unlike anything I’ve heard of or seen before. While I’ve grown in boldness and risk-taking with visions and words of knowledge, I’m yet to discover the mysteries of all that entails. How exciting! (God is a wonderful mystery!) This leads me to Africa, where I became an un-apologetic dreamer…
Africa: becoming a dreamer
I began my African journey in a rural village along the Okavango Delta of Northern Botswana. There was no wifi or cell reception. The town only recently acquired an electrical plant, but happenstance, the plant was down during the duration of our stay. This was the Africa I imagined, only better. Dirt roads filled with donkeys and cows (and their little gifts), small thatch huts, water fetching buckets, children holding their baby siblings… everything about it was simple and inviting. The days were slow. Morning runs, breakfast, devotionals, evangelism training, door-to-door evangelism, enormous lunches, free time, children’s ministry, dinner, and bible study. The nights usually ended with the team tucked away in their tents, with the backdrop of a booming thunderstorm or the demonic grunts of our real-life backyard hippo we named “Biggie”. (Seriously, hippos are the coolest… and they are scary.)
The Lord began to speak to me in my tent. I would wake up with new words and revelations. I would run to tell my friend, Ashley Miller, and we would take turns pouring out our hearts as we walked along the road in front of the compound.
A fresh adventure unfolded before me.
Africa continued to be a challenging place to connect via the virtual world, but an absolute gift in training me to be present in the real world.
In South Africa, we also lived in tents on the top of a hill in an incredible Children’s Village planted by a local church. You could access wifi. At the bottom of the hill. And pass by all of the children begging you to play with them. While you stare at a screen. (Safe to safe, I opted out of scrolling that month and would feel immense guilt connecting for my squad leader tasks.)
In this village, I formed a great friendship with one of the young boys. He joined me on my morning runs up and down the hill. He sang gospel songs at the top of his lungs (only after much begging). I was almost convinced to move back to the village to teach in the expanding school (hey, it’s still on the table).
Swaziland was a month of spiritual awakening. Again, wifi was hard to come by (amen). There were three teams and two squad leaders living under one roof… 21 people. Two bathrooms. One small kitchen. Community was forced and we are better today because of it. Sure there were growing pains and passive aggressive comments made (mostly over food), but I will never forget our holy spirit visitations through inner healing prayer (called “Soul Care”… you can read here for a good explanation), and our corporate times of worship, especially ushering in Easter. There was a night of major healing and rambunctious worship. Chris Zemple and I led a Good Friday service of somber reflection, that erupted in praise and anticipation of the words put on several of our hearts: “Easter is coming!” and “It is finished!”
This was also the first time I ever fasted for an extended period of time. The Lord filled me with grandiose dreams and hope. His voice was clear and engaging. For the first time in my life, I really believed that God absolutely delighted in my creativity and passions… that He is even MORE excited about my dreams than I am! We dreamed together a lot that month and I started praying some big prayers. Guess what? God is answering my big prayers… and asking me to keep praying!
I also learned how to walk people through grief, pressing deeper into the pain of losing my teenager brother in early 2016. These stories will touch my heart for a lifetime. Amen.
South America: learning to share in community
On the World Race, community is a core value. It makes sense. You are placed on a team and live in close quarters, doing life and ministry together 24-7. There’s no escaping it, so the sooner you embrace it, the better.
South America started off on another high note. “Ask the Lord” month. Our quest in Argentina was to ask the Lord what he wanted to do in our city. Our chosen location: Buenos Aires. Our budget: $10 a person, per day. That’s for food, lodging, and travel. (Not realistic or practical in such an expensive city… but God made a way!) We learned lessons of dependence and humility as we lugged our big packs around town and made our way to Hillsong the first morning. The Lord met us with the kindest of friends. We were welcomed into something very special. Our first few nights, we stayed out until 3AM with our new friends (common in Argentina) and slept on the floor of a tiny studio apartment. We developed relationships within the Young and Free youth group, practiced giving and receiving (mostly receiving) hospitality, set up for a banquet, and helped with a NGO. Community flourished. We learned how to give and receive better feedback. We learned how to set better boundaries.
In Chile, I fell in love. I mean L-O-V-E, never want to leave this place, kind of love. We stayed in the new home of a soon-to-be-married couple who quickly became our best friends. We partnered with a house church, who quickly became family. And I quickly learned that this style of ministry — family, hospitality, intentionality, creativity, and discipleship — truly makes my heart come alive. This is what I want to do with my life. Live on purpose in my neighborhood. You may remember my funny story about the emergency chocolate and the ten-year old who taught me about boldness. (And if you don’t, you can read it here.)
I hiked through the Amazon Jungle in Bolivia. 64 miles. Rivers. Landslides. Bees. The gift of an orange tree. It was incredible! We learned about unity and healthy dependence on the body of Christ. We struggled. But we made it. This was a time of pruning for most of us — a time of pressing into the hard things, giving hard feedback, and showing up each day.
My World Race journey ended in Peru, serving alongside my team (for the first time)! The four of us were “raised up” as squad leaders our 5th month, and would travel individually to different teams to serve in a unique discipleship, facilitator role. Most of our team interactions were over cell phones and Google Docs. Needless to say, it was a gift to spend an entire month serving alongside Jeff, Joe, and Bekah for the first time. We met a wonderful missionary couple in Cusco who led us to our contact in Lima — Carlos and his surf ministry — Eternal Wave (check out their website here). Carlos and the crew became family to us. We stayed in their home and spent our days joining surf lessons, washing wet suits, and meeting with young people for discipleship. I formed a great friendship with a young girl who has a similar family history as mine. I was able to encourage her to keep trusting in God and she encouraged me to rejoice always. My Spanish grew immensely this month. I hope to continue learning.
Well, there’s no smooth way of transitioning… but I know you’re wondering… so… that infamous question burning within you: “what’s next?”
Sidenote: perhaps a better way to rephrase the question is not “what’s next?” but “what’s new?” I believe that God is not interested in the NEXT thing (as if we are chasing adventure or highs)… but He is in the business of doing a NEW thing. And He is doing just that. Yeah?
As I continue to reflect and process this experience, I am excited to share more of my upcoming plans.
This October, I will be traveling with my good friend — Jeffrey Stackhouse, to visit several community houses across the United States. We want you to be apart of the journey! We are launching a website this weekend… make sure to follow us there. We have lots of fun and quirky things planned, like videos and podcasts (cause we are nerds, yes).
In November, I will step back into a worship leading role at The Well and serve the Church in that capacity. I will continue to substitute teach and teach online… and I’m entertaining the idea of (finally) working at a coffee shop, not for the money but for the HOLY experience (HIRE ME, BRYAN! Haha!) * But honestly, coffee brings people together, especially in the States… so I want to learn the art and develop new skill sets.
In 2018… THIS IS THE BIG ONE… I am moving to… drumroll please…
D E N V E R , C O L O R A D O!
In Botswana, God gave me a clear word to move here. I prayed about it for months and it is the right move for me. I cannot say how long I will be there… but I am clinging to TRUST over clarity, and will live on purpose in the city for as long as God calls me. I have no clue what I’ll be doing for work at this point — teaching is still on the table and barista-ing, but the purpose is to move for community development. The job isn’t the important piece. God will provide work in some capacity, and I will be living in the city and partnering with God’s dreams for a collective people (a Church) after His Heart. I hope to work with immigrants and refugees, and explore urban gardening. LET’S GOO!
In the meantime, I feel called to a life of prayer. God told me the other day that the time I spend on my knees, praying His will, will stir up the next generation and cause beautiful movements of the Spirit. This is where He is calling me to channel my energy. WAHOO!
As this blog comes to a close, I want to emphasize again that I am so grateful for you! YES, YOU! Thank you for following my journey. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you reading this long post. Seriously. None of this could have happened without the sending Church. You are amazing! You are the hands of God!
I’ll leave you with this special blessing of prayer, found in the Book of Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals
Lord, help me now to unclutter my life, to organize myself in the direction of simplicity. Lord, teach me to listen to my heart; teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it. Lord, I give you these stirrings inside me. I give you my discontent. I give you my restlessness. I give you my doubt. I give you my despair. I give you all the longings I hold inside. Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth; help me to listen seriously and follow where they lead through the breathtaking empty space of an open door.
And just in case you missed them… here are all my videos (made on the World Race) in one place, for your enjoyment:
