Hi friends!
It’s the end of month nine on the race. Only two more months left! Yet, I’m starting to think about my future returning home after the race, all while still being present here. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!, I think. This blog is a lot of my current thoughts and struggles that I have been working through. They definitely don’t all make sense even to me yet, so bare with me and my thoughts…
The Lord has been telling me to be still. To T-R-U-S-T him.
To soak in all He has for me here in Malaysia and after.
“But Lord I don’t wanna sit and be still…I just want to know everything now.”
His word says,
{Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. -Psalm 37:7}
This is something I struggle with A LOT of the time. I tend to have more of a go-go-go personality. Always ready for the next thing to do, someone to be with, etc…to not sit in my thoughts and actually process everything that is going on in my life.
But when I do stop to actually think, then comes overthinking everything and anything. What the future holds has really been on my heart. Which is really just a spot I want to block out at this point. The unknown is scary sometimes. I want to just keep doing life on the race, and not think about all the possibilities sometimes. Of course some days it’s exciting when the opportunities are endless, and others not so much…
This month, my team and I are working at an International House of Prayer, and split apart at two different cafes. I spend a decent amount of time doing random odd jobs, and would say it’s been hard not being able to do the full extent of what I know I could be doing. The Lord is teaching me to just do what I’m asked of. To be content with where I’m placed and be obedient of what he is telling me.
Contentment is hard though.
I always tend to find myself comparing. What others are doing, experiencing, EVERYTHING. But I know comparison kills. It’s really annoying actually.
How do I not though? But then I remember back to God’s word. We weren’t created to all be equal and have the same life anyways. And that’s why we are all so unique. That’s why my story is different, and my life doesn’t look the same as others, obviously. But then why are we never content where our own life is at? That mine is not good enough.
But I hear Jesus say,
“With me it is good.”
When really all Jesus is saying is to JUST BE with Him.
He is all we need at the end of the day.
I hear the Lord speaking more.
“Paige, why are you comparing your life to others?”
{“Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” -Isaiah 43:7}
This is so good! The Lord’s love is so apparent for each of us.
Isaiah 43:4 says also, “since you are PRECIOUS and HONORED in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for YOUR life.”
That’s amazing. Hard to grasp even the depth of that to be honest. Although, it’s still hard to believe sometimes…
Something I struggle with majorly is FOMO (Fear of missing out…yes, lol). I never want to miss out on anything…and will sometimes run myself to the ground because I’m not taking time for myself, and with the Lord. It really can be a struggle at times. But I’m slowly learning to be okay with where I’m at in life, and not what others lives look like.
But then I still turn back to all these questions I have…
What does the future hold? What will I be doing when I get home? Where will I live? And so many more..
I’m trying to remember to be content with what life has right in front of me. To not be constantly worrying about the future. It doesn’t do me good anyways. I’m slowly learning to find the balance of being present, while not ignoring the reality of going home either.
The father only wants our hearts. He only wants our intimacy to grow with Him, and not the ways of the world. That we can’t run this race of life alone. We are human. We mess up, and we are sinners.
Ive learned and heard many times…I, we, need to seek the Lord first. If we seek Him EVEN when it’s hard, it will be worth it. I know I can’t do this life without him. Even when it’s confusing, painful, and seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. That we can still remain confident in the plan for our lives. We know that our plan as humans is not always what God has planned. And being confused about our future is going to happen at some points. The Lord has a specific plan for each. of. our. lives. I can’t even grasp that.
In Joshua 1:9, {“Do not be afraid. Stand firm. Do not be discouraged or dismayed.”}
{“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you. Not to harm you. To give you a hope you and a future.”} -Jeremiah 29:11
Verses I’m clinging onto the truths of. Even when it’s hard. That when I am confused, I know my God isn’t. And he has the best possible plan.
I could tell countless stories where I’ve been confused, anxious, taken on burden after burden, and overthinking just about everything in life.
But the Lord doesn’t want that either. It’s not our job to take on those things.
Matthew 11:28-30 says this…”Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
We need to cast our cares on him. He will take on our burdens.
This past month I struggled with a lot, felt a lot of spiritual darkness, and was grown a lot…but I can genuinely say I still see the Lord’s faithfulness in it all and what he’s teaching me through all the unknown.
I KNOW I have a God who DOES know, and believing His promises and truths is all I can do sometimes.
Thank you for listening to my heart, and what the Lord has been teaching me in Malaysia. I am currently starting month ten in Mongolia, and am ONLY $750 away from being fully funded! If you still want to partner with me the donation link is on my main page. Thank you to all who have donated thus far, I wouldn’t be here without you! And as always prayers are always appreciated!
Love,
Paige
