Believe it or not, being on the race or even just doing whatever the Lord has called you to, does not get rid of all doubts or questioning about why you are here on this earth.
This month, as lovely as it has been, has been interesting in the sense that I have been bombarded with doubts and questions of
why are you here?
are you really doing anything to help?
do you really have anything to offer to these people?
And I know…..I know. These are all lies and doubts from the enemy, but still they seem to plague me at the worst moments.
But the thing about that is God has the victory over Satan. I have given him my life and he has victory over that as well. So when I am overwhelmed with doubts and fears I have the wonderful privileged of turning right to him and asking for him to speak truth into my life.
The other afternoon, I went to sit out under the shade of the tree in front of the house. I went out there to have a conversation with the Lord and ask him all the questions that have been swimming around in my head.
Well, I got one question out and part of an answer back when I look up to see four kids running straight for me. From there, I would have to say my conversation with the Lord was completely derailed.
I ended up sitting there for the next hour and a half playing with the kids on my lap as they fed their curiosity by playing with my hair, touching the moles on my neck, making my skin turn different colors by pressing their fingers on it and staring at the metal retainer behind my bottom teeth intensely. We played many a hand clapping game and had quite the tickle fight.
If you know anything about me at all, you would know that I enjoyed this time so much.
At any other time, I would have gone back and been frustrated with myself that I let kids distract me from my time with the Lord, but this time it was different.
You see the first question I had posed to the Lord, the only one I got around to that day was this:
Why am I even here? On this race, in this village?
He started answering me by telling me I am here because he has asked me to come. But he knows me so well that he decided send to me the reason I am here instead. And so as I looked up and glanced around his creation, he sent four children running my way.
My human brain easily forgets or downplays the passions and desires the Lord has placed in my heart. But the truth of the matter is, I am passionate about kids and seeing them grow up into wonderful men and women of God that they were created for.
I absolutely love getting to be a part (even a small part) in helping them reach that.
Kids like Lemiyadi who will fill every atmosphere he enters with joy.
I absolutely love that I serve a God, who knows that and is there to remind me when I let doubts and questions enter in.
We serve such a good God, ya’ll.
And yeah, maybe I have no idea what this passion for kids will look like after the race, how I will use it. But I don’t have to live in the anxiety and fear of it either.
All the Lord has been in my life is faithful, why would I not trust him to continue to be so.
