Last Sunday, as I was reading my Bible, the Lord brought me to the book of Esther. I read through it and finished still not sure what it was he was teaching me through it. Chapter 4:14 struck me as it always does, but I didn’t think much about it after that time with the Lord. A few days later, I woke up at about 5 am, rolled over and tried to go back to sleep until my alarm at 6. In a half conscious/half sleeping state, I had a dream. And in that dream I was standing in front of the church here in the village I am living in and preaching a sermon on Esther 4:14.
I was speaking about how I have a desire for the whole world to hear the saving message of Jesus and have the opportunity for them to be in a restored relationship with the Father. I spoke about how I had a big barrier in my way from doing that: not speaking the language. But that I had my greatest asset sitting in front of me in the form of all the people in the church. The message continued in encouraging them to speak out about their faith to those who haven’t accepted Christ.
I translated the verse in Esther into their lives: What if they were made for such a time as this to share the saving message of Jesus with their friends, neighbors, and family. In that verse, Mordecai also tells Esther that if she refuses to speak out, deliverance for her people will come from somewhere else. I encouraged them with this in saying that the Lord will use other people if we are unwilling to obey his command to share the gospel, but how much sweeter is it to live in God’s will. He WANTS us to be part of his Big Plan to redeem he world back to himself.
I woke up quickly from my half-conscious state and wrote down all that I remember saying in my dream sermon. I knew that the Lord had given me that dream and that probably meant I would be preaching soon, but I didn’t want to believe that.
Every morning since my team and I have come to Malawi, we all seem to share our dreams with one another over breakfast because we’ve all had some really good and really bad ones. I however did not share mine that morning because of my stubbornness.
The week continued and we enjoyed our time teaching the preschoolers bible lessons everyday. Multiple times I had to opportunity to share my dream but continued to not do so.
Fast forward to Saturday night, we are all sitting on the back steps of the house waiting patiently for our turn to take our bucket shower for the evening.
One of our hosts comes up to us and says, we would like one of you to teach or preach tomorrow. Who would like to? Knowing immediately that I should say I would because, well, I already had a sermon written (directly from God, mind you). However, I continued to resist and did not offer to speak.
We all took some time to pray and ask the Lord if he had anything he wanted us to share the next day.
Coming back together, each one of us in turn said something to the effect of “I don’t feel like it’s me the Lord is asking to preach.” (you can just call me Jonah at this point)
Finally after standing there looking around at each other for a few minutes, I finally gave it up and said I would do it.
So here I am writing this on Sunday afternoon having preached for the first time ever. And not only that but to a room full of Malawian’s whom the Lord brought there this morning.
And I sit here writing humbled by the fact that the Lord didn’t give up on me. I even preached in my message this morning that if we are unwilling, he will find someone who is willing! But our Good Father knows my heart way better than I know it and continued to wait patiently for me to obey.
I am honored that the message he had to give to the people in this village, he bestowed upon me to share. You see, it wasn’t that I preached a message this morning. The Lord had a message for the people and he asked me to share it. I have no claim on how well it went or how many people received Christ because of it. And I don’t want any claim on it. He did it all and to him be the glory for that.
At the beginning of this month, I surrendered my will to Him. I physically built an altar out of rocks and burned my will upon it. All this month the Lord has been testing me on my sacrifice to him in that. This was the biggest test of it so far and I am sure there are many more to come. He slowly and graciously brought me to the point of surrender this morning and I know that he will continue to do so.
You see, I don’t want my life to be one lived of my own accord. God is too good and he has been far too faithful to me for me to not live fully surrendered to all he has asked me to do.
I’m still just as stubborn and selfish as the person I was yesterday, but He a forgiving God and is still working on my heart. And one day soon, I hope that I won’t be, and I know with his redeeming work in my life I can’t stay in this place forever.
And that is something I will shout ‘Amen’ to.
