Apparently, life is hard. Oh wait, you knew that? Why didn't anyone tell me? They did? I didn't listen? That sounds about right.
Generally, I don't worry about things. One side of my family are major worriers, up to the point of high blood pressure and irrational fears, like pipes spontaneously bursting when no one is around or the dog eating chocolate hidden in a cabinet that could only be accessed by a ladder and opposable thumbs. Me on the other hand, I tend to fall on the other side of the gene pool. I don't worry because I have an extremely type B personality and I don't like to waste energy on fruitless efforts. Also, I don't like the feeling of nervousness or anxiety (not many people do) so I just don't get worked up about things. [Although, I do remember getting very anxious when I had to parallel park for my drivers test but in my defense the man was very pushy and screaming "Cut it! Cut it!"] For the most part, I have a very "c'est la vie" outlook on life… and so far it's been working for me.
Friends- lately I've been getting this terrible feeling, it's almost like a thousand tiny needles are constantly dropping into my stomach and I have to look over my shoulder to check if someone is following me. Unfortunately, I believe the diagnosis is exactly what you may suspect: Worry. I'm pretty sure I know the cause as well. The reality is beginning to set it, in a few months I'm leaving the country on the WR. And surprisingly, that's not what I'm worried about, that gets me freaking excited. No no, I'm worried about something much more trivial than that. I'm worried about the money. Big shock, huh?
When I signed on to this whole thing, I was in the right mindset. I thought, "If I'm meant to go, I'll get the money." How very faithful of me. But as time went on and I went on with life, and I let other things, things that aren't faith, get the best of me. Now I find myself in this perpetual state of anxiety. Is it going to happen today? Is something going to come today? Will I get good news? These are the thoughts I'm having on a daily basis. This cannot be healthy. I think I'm getting those lines on the forehead and bags under the eyes.
But today, I came to terms with it. Yes, I'm worrying about not getting what I need in time, it's only natural. However, this is exaclty when I let Jesus take over. Why is it that I never realize that God is in control until after I've stress ate 40 chocolate chip cookies? I can worry but it's not going to change God's plan. (Maybe the title of this post is making a little more sense now..) My dear Sharon Paul reminded me of this just the other. She said, "You know, this is when we just say 'Jesus, this sucks and I'm letting you take over' ". So of course, I'll be taking that route. It's seems a lot easier… and healthier.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear…But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:25,34
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